Much as I'm looking forward to getting it over and done with, i'm still scared.  I've never been to hospital for much - apart from a duffed wrist due to my catching drunken friend's head before it made contact with a kerb - so it's going to be a new experience.  it's private as well, so I'm convincing myself that I'm staying in a hotel (the chateau marmont?) and someone's going to give me something to get off my face and then i'll wake up in pain.  Come to think of it, I've had that before so it should be a breeze.

It'll be home that will drive me nuts.  I'll be a prisoner to denis and his crazy stories, though he'll also have to be my slave and fetch me things from outside.  i've already dragged my matress into the living room so that i can at least have some TV, DVD and music action.  I hope I do get visitors as people have said they'd do.  It's things like this that really show how important you are to others that they would go out of their way to help you out.  If anyone's free one evening from Thursday onwards, give me a bell - even just for a quick chat.

I had a great weekend larking about on a barge - it's something I want to do again this summer, though it's a little pricey.  Lots of hilarity and barge related injuries.  I've done something to the sole of my right foot when I jumped into the canal to stop us from getting beached.  I might ask them to have a look at it tomorrow if it gets any worse.  I also had my back scratched when one of the boys drove the barge into a tree.  But that was all part of the fun, and I'm looking forward to beni so much now that I've got to know a few of them better.

Right, I might be offline for a wee while, but I'm sure I'll come back better than ever.  We need these challenges in our life to make us stronger and I feel pretty hard already!

Love and respect always...xxx

The past couple of weeks have been a continuation of the turning points I've been mentioning in previous posts.  To be short, the reunion reminded me that I can still be myself and not resort to a certain level of bullsh!t that others do.  there weren't many people there and some people didn't bother going.  Tom and a couple of others were there, so had a couple of drinks and caught up a little, but I was hoping to catch up with a few others that i'd not seen in a while.  Ach well...

The play continued to go from strength to strength and more influential crits praised me, though the agents i wrote to didn't bother coming in.  I'm going to send them all a letter with the crits in them to try to stir their interest.  A couple of co-ops are thinking about meeting me and though I don't think that's the route I'd like to go down, there's not harm at all in meeting them.  if still nothing's changed come the turn of the year, it may well be time to hit California for pilot season 2008.  I have a pact to do that, which would only get broken if something else takes off before then.

That's something I would have just dreamt about doing until around 18 months ago.  Now however, i feel that i'm finally living up to the kind praise that friends give me when they come in to see my shows.  It was a very decent production that people thought I shone in and that means a lot more than being the best in a crap play.  the fact that it sold out half the nights was also a boost to the confidence, though it meant that some pals couldn't get in to see me.

Confidence is (as I'm sure you can tell) at an all time high in all parts of my life.  I feel more comfortable in my skin and so in control it's unbelievable.  Even the bits I can't contol (boss, agents, back, women) are not nightmares or worries, but simply obstacles to overcome.  I also have confidence in my judgement - not just of what I think is good in an acting sense, but also about people.  If I think you're a true friend, I'll go that extra mile.  if not, I'll be pleasant and not seek you as an enemy.  If you let me down or betray my trust, goodbye.  I'm harder emotinoally now, yet I've also realised how sensitive I am to things like atmosphere and the projections people make of themsleves.  I've now got a pretty good lie detector, as i can tell by body language and tone of voice when they're full of it.  these are not people I want to hang around with - honesty has never got me further, but also never let me down.  I used to lie for various reasons - people's feelings, save any trouble, because I felt awkward - but no longer.  It's a great feeling.

I've also noticed that more people are seeking my counsel and give me respect.  Again, not just as an actor, but as a person.  Whether it's a by-product of being a little older (and wiser?  the jury's till out on that one...) I seem to be more attractive to people.  I know that I've put that down to my acting ability previously, but there's a respect in me as a person - and a good guy - that comes across to me.  Recognising that is pretty gratifying.  Don't think for a moment that i'm back to naive old ways, where everyone is wonderful and no-one is out for themselves.  I'm just taking people on face value and looking for the best.

Mind you, I was at a party on Saturday night, where a posh English kid - 19 if he was a day - tried to rile me into punching him as 'he wanted to be punched by a Scottish savage'.  much as i tried to convince him that i only looked savage and had no intention of meeting his request, he continued - taking the agression further and bringing people that he didn't know into it.  I told him how much i pitied his need to do this performance hre was putting on, wished him all the best and made my excuses and left.  I since heard that he started crying afterwards and left a grovelling note apologising if he's offended me.  If I'd punched him, it would have felt better momentarily (and i didn't rule it out at any time), but he needed to be humilitated and that's what he did to himself.  I still have my pride, dignity and morals all in one piece and he had none.

Anyhoo, I have a lot on my plate in the coming week as I'm booked for my procedure a week today.  i need to try to get the entire flat clean and convince the other guys to keep it that way so I can crawl around without covering my hands in discarded ash, slippages and water from the shower - do they not know what the curtain is for?  I also have to make a couple of phone calls to different ladies for different reasons, am doing a play reading tonight and going on a barge trip this weekend.  I also have to sort out my broadband connection as i'll need the internet to stop me from getting cabin fever.  I can always 'use it' for acting purposes...

Gareth came back from a trip to Africa and said he'd noticed a big change in me and I think that's truly what's occurred - there's been a few things in the past couple of months that have slotted into place and now I feel that it really is a new chapter.

As most of you know I received a glowing notice from an influential newspaper.  The reviews for the show on the whole have been mixed and everyone has their own opinion as to how MacBeth should be done.  That said, I think everyone in the cast has got better as the show has went on, despite the intense heat in the theatre.  There's a possibility of more Shakey on the horizon, but at the moment I'm glad it's just a possibility.  I've really found something that I'm good at and that has taught me more about acting and where I fit in the grand scheme of things, but it takes ALL my energy.  Oh to be a 'proper' actor and have the days to recover, before treading the boards again at night.

I'm exhausted.  I've put so much into this that I'm really struggling to chill out at night (esp. with me being very good about my health) and therefore having a nightmare getting up in the morning.  I've been late and I know my boss will lay into me on his return.  I'll have to play the sympathy card as I've got my operation booked for the 12th june and wouldn't be able to afford to pay for it outside of the company's bupa scheme.  It's a little scary, but I know that there's little chance of me being involved in a play over summer, so will have that in my favour.  I'm really fed up in this job now and can't give it enough energy so I may be forced to seek alternative employment.  Not something I'd relish over the summer.

Agents - 3 replies, 3 rejections.  I don't know how to get them in...

I've had a couple of crushes on girls in this show, but all the best ones seem to have boys already.  I'm fed up being lonely but don't want to go for just anyone.  Coming home to denis is not what i want anymore.  The witches have decided that the best line to listen to in the play is me saying "Give us a light there, ho".  I assume it the way it comes out in my accent, but they're like little schoolgirls when I did it for them during the interval last night.  It seems that once again, my acting skills fair outweigh my own personality when it comes to attractiveness.

I've got a drama school reunion this weekend.  I'm a mixture of intrigued, nervous and horrified at what it may be like.  Will it be like when i turned up for my audition and there were people singing and dancing on table like something out of Fame?  Will it be sombre, low-key?  How many people will I know and care to speak to?  Oh, and a certain ex will be there, which will make the evening emotionally interesting at least...

I've had some funny mood swings this week.  I guess its the lot of the actor - you play with your own emotions and they come back to bite you.  I've been invincible and the leader of the Pack (some of the boys join me in a Rat Pack warm up and treat me like Frank) one day and then the next I'm covered by a dark cloud for no reason and can't seem to shake it.  Still I'm using it to feed my performance and all is well once curtain's up and even better when i'm in the bar afterwards.

1) I have been busy both at work and rehearsals

2) There's not much other news...

Work has been steady since the marathon attempts.  With rehearsals picking up in regularity and length, it was a relief not to be under the cosh quite so much.  Unfortunately, I'm now struggling with my workload again.  I know I often say this, but I believe that I'll be gone from here soon.  I'll probably stay until October or so if agents aren't forthcoming from macbeth, but it's too much to do alongside my acting career.  I need to be full time into my acting and fuck the day job.  I'm going to look around for other types of cash earners come August, as I should be about finished my current projects then, as well as being after my operation - scheduled for the 12th june it seems...perfect timing if that's the case - and my holiday.  Suggestions for jobs I can do on a postcard!

As for the acting, I don't think I've thrown myself into anything quite as much as I have for this.  The director had a very definite idea of how he wanted it to look, but left me very much to my own devices in the rehearsal room.  This is probably the best I've been prepared for a show and it's really made a difference in my life.  I'm still trying to follow the GI diet, still been attempting to get more exercise into my routine with a modicum of success.  If it hadn't been for the medical issue with my back, I'd have been even fitter and healthier.  It's made me realise even more how much i need to change to be in the right mental state in order to get further in my chosen art.  It's a massive change for me and I've got to stop trying to change my world in one fell swoop.  Bit by bit over the past year and a half, I've been changing my outlook and my life and hope that it will soon all slip into place without any effort.  mornings are still my enemy, but that's only cause I've not had a weekend to call my own for a while.  I had a couple of epiphanies about what i need to do and how I need to continue should I still be my own representation after the run has finished.  There's no way I can ease up - I need to have my foot on the gas...

Opening night last night went really well.  Director and cast all tired but happy.  Full house, a couple of reviewers and the possibility of an Evening Standard critic (and perhaps a well known national paper) coming in.  Chats with director afterwards - it looks like we'll work together again pretty soon.  I think he's the closest i've come to a Scorcese to my DeNiro.  (Christ, I know I'm confident in my ability, but do realise that I'm not comparing myself to the great one...yet...)  This production has also stirred the need to further my horizons - stage combat classes, keeping up with those in the know more - I can't tell you how excited i am at the minute - words fail me.  If anyone is in London during the run, I urge to come and see it.

I also did the one act play last Sunday and Monday (6th and 7th) which went fine.  It was always going to feel a bit stange as I'd only be doing essentially half the run and it was on someone else's set.  It was still good and the show seemed well liked.  There were some good actors and lovely people working on it and I really enjoyed the brief time we had together - mind you, i always had half an eye on MacB as i had more to learn for it.  marky Mark came in to see it on the same night as denis and the previous night Laura Main popped in, as did Bron and Matt.  The four of us were together again on Saturday night for Bron's 30th, along with Sue and Don, looking very much as happy settled couple.  Apart from that, the only other socialising I've done was to see The Importance of Being Earnest, done by the team that I did Shakespeare with last year.  Some of those casts were in the audience that night and it was nice to catch up.  The show was very good, with the ladies (and I include the man in drag playing Lady Bracknell) superior to the men.  Once again, John and Ben have kept the bar raised and I look forward to seeing their 12th night later in the summer.

Other things - I have a new smart phone to get used to (Sony Ericsson K550i for those who know the difference), Denis is going away for a couple of weekends so I will get some blessed peace, I'm not looking for love anymore as I believe it will find me, can't wait to shave off my beard

I have the show and a Mountview reunion left in May - the rest of the time I intend to sleep.  June will bring my operation, followed by convalesence (during which time, i'll be planning the rest of the year) before a wedding, a run and Benicassim in July.  As well as hopefully catchin up with a few of you from time to time...

Firstly, the one act play had its competition night on Friday, meaning I was rehearsing that Tues and Thurs straight after work.  It all went OK, despite the fact that it was put on in a rush, meaning that we were horrendously under-rehearsed (I only had two rehearsals before Tuesday) and not entirely confident, as well as having to make last minute changes as the set-up wasn't quite how the director imagined.  We find out on Saturday if we win any awards, but with the best will in the world, I doubt we will.  For the first time, I found some points during the process to be a bit of a chore.  I felt frustrated at times, but still enjoyed the performance.  It's the first time I haven't been either fully happy or challenged when doing a play.

After the show, I met up with Simon, who had brought in four folk to see me - all with Aberdeen connections.  Steve Hay worked with me at Texaco Theatre School and we hadn't seen each other for well over a decade.  We chatted for ages and I know him much better now than I did then.  Also present were two NE actresses, Cassie and Steph.  They're both lovely and witty and both have boyfriends.  Damn.  I heard later that one of them thought I was hot, so my ego took a massive boost.  The other guy, jeff, is a regular on a crime show on TV and was great fun.  He was full of stories and, along with Simon, kept us all entertained for the rest of the night.  I had left my keys at home, so crashed at Simon's, though I didn't get much sleep and missed the following day's rehearsal as I felt really ill.  There's two more shows of this at the start of May and I hope I get some folk in to those too.  But with MacBeth around the corner, i think more people might be tempted by that instead.

MacBeth's rather naturally been on the backburner this past week and a half.  I hadn't rehearsed since the Saturday before last, so I was annoyed that I missed this weekend.  Now it's going to get mental.  This week I have Friday and Sunday off and for the next two weeks only Thursday night.  I also have to learn lines for the Doctor, write letters to agents, try to drag my arse to the gym, be on a fucking diet and off the booze and I can sometimes feel slightly unhinged.  And that's before working 9-6...  At least with MacB, I'm feeling challenged and challenging myself more - trying to change my body shape for the part, trying to get deeper and more truthful than ever before, trying to encourage better performances out of the rest of the cast and not dicking about in rehearsals.  I'm not quite there yet, but need to be very soon.  I'm certain this is going to be my best piece of work so far...

As for the day job, things have been really busy there too, with the ongoing battle to clear the mountain of work and especially the Marathon project that I worked on.  The marathon was an amazing experience but a massively long day where i was let down by transport many times and did a great impression of a blue-arsed fly for most of it.  The project seemed to go down well in the office, but now I can't see me sustaining their expectations of me, as I take no work home and always try to leave the office bang on time - they seem to want more and I'm not going to give it to them.  It would do me some good to have a change of scenery, but don't want to lose the steady wage.  Acting would give me an opportunity to drop it, but apart from that, there's not much else to go for.  I'll see how things go until i go on holiday as I'll have had MacB and the operation before then and will see what their attitude is to me.

On the social front, apart from Friday night after the show and Monday night with Muzz, I've not been up to much.  Unsuprising considering the two plays and being on antibiotics for all last week.  It's also been a bit of a break from denis as he's been working a lot too, so we generally see each other just as one of us is heading off to bed.  Tiscali still haven't sorted our internet and TV problems, but a guy was there this morning and I've not had a rant down the phone from the frenchman...yet.

Right, I'm off to score some performance enhancing dugs in order to keep up this pace I'm on.

I went to the doc on Friday through BUPA (I'm now a fan) to find out whether I would be able to do MacBeth.  He was very kind and had the manner I expected from doctors dealing with patients - though I hadn't found that with the NHS but anyway.  He asked me the situation and I explained the timing concerns I had and that though I really wanted to do the shows, my health would have to come first. He had a look at the pilonidal sinus and told me that he'd drain it now to take away the discomfort and get the healing process going.  He suck a pile of pus out using the largest needle I've ever seen and then used a small blade to cut open the sinus in order to get more pus and some infected hair out, which looked like it had come from the Hound of the Baskervilles.  He was surprised at my pain tolerance level, as was I, esp. with no anaesthetic at all.  Afterwards, I got a prescription for a week course of antibios and some swabs which I have to stick to the offending area.  He explained that an operation would still be needed, but it should be fine to wait until June for it to happen.  My BUPA cover wouldn't pay for the operation, but he'd make some arrangements on the NHS, for which I'm profoundly grateful.  A pair of free tickets will be winging his way...

Rehearsals have carried on in a good vein.  The one act play is on Friday and I'm rehearsing tonight and Thurs.  It'll be fine and there'll be a couple of folk in to support me there so should be a good night.  macBeth has rocked slightly - an actor dropped out and so I'm now playing the Doctor as well as Banquo.  More lines... Also, the Scottish accents have been dropped as they weren't good enough.  there was a bit of huffing and puffing about it, but it was actually the right decision to make.  the reviews would have been all about the bad accents and not about the good work that has been going on both in front and behind the curtain.

Work's been mental with the London Marathon on Sunday and therefore crunch time for the project I've been heading up.  I think I have it under control, despite losing some people from the team and still not having all the required information.  The flat's coming up to that time where we have to decide whether we stay for another 6 months or give notice in May.  At the moment I'm undecided, but too busy to look.  To be honest, the timing stinks as I'll be just finishing MacB when the lease is up and likely to go into hospital just after I move into a new place, so I'll grin and bear it until the winter.  Might find a bargain then anyway.  At the moment, we're still having problems with Tiscali despite engineers coming round.  I foresee a rather furious phone call to them tomorrow morning. I'll get as much as possible out of them and still cancel the contract.  Tossers.

Socially, things are slowing down - mainly due to my not drinking.  I don't know whjether I'll be getting a repeat prescription but i'm hitting the GI diet this week, so won't be boozing than much.  The gym plans have started slowly but well - twice last week and going tomorrow and thursday mornings and again at the weekend.  With the diet and gym combined, I should see the excess drop off and I'll soo be in full Russell Crowe mood...

"Are you not entertained?"

Last Monday morning I visited Dr Blass (my GP) for the second time about my abscess.  She said it didn't look too urgent, but would chase up the hospital so a consultant could give me a check up.  I was grateful to her as she was supposed to be on holiday, but came in that morning to see me.  My appointment was on Thursday and nerves were jangling.  I got to the Whittington hospital in perfect time and the doctor's assistant gave me the once over.  Then he said the words I didn't want to hear - MRI in 2-3 weeks, operation in 6-7 weeks.  This would take me out of both plays and threw me completely.  The operation is a simple one, but the recovery period is what screws everything up as I might be in hospital for a week and then home and off work for at least another week, if not more.  Oh, and I have to shave my arse crack - or get someone else to do it for me - Denis?  Oh Christ...

Once out of the hospital, I immediately called Sam, the director of MacB to let him know the news.  I was gutted (I seem to have been gutted a lot recently...) and went home to try and calm down before going into work that afternoon.  Once I got in, the boss gave me details of how to contact BUPA which I did today.  If I can get a letter from the consultant / my GP then I can go private - perhaps with the same guy.  I'll then get the MRI quicker and have an idea of whether I can do either or both of the plays.  I'm certain I can do the one act festival, but the later dates are a possible factor and I'm concerned that I will not get to do much more with the Maccers crowd.

If so, that would be a real shame as they've really got me pushing myself.  I met Heather (producer, Lady M, fitness instructor) for a gym session on Friday morning and she gave me my basic training.  It was hard, but really rewarding and I veritably bounced into my rehearsal (for the other play) before feeling really rather sore the next day.  I was also in for a 'beasting' (an army term) yesterday morning and my muscles still twitch and shake from that.  (Incidentally, I was told I should take up a martial art - if I had the time to dedicate to it, I'm sure I'd get a lot out of it - one for when I'm 100% actor and have time through the day to myself.)  Rehearsals for both projects are going really well and I've been getting some very complimentary feedback from the production teams.  I'm desperate to do them both, but I won't go against doctor's advice.  Moray called late one night over the weekend and gave me some sound advice on that score and was quite right, despite the fact he sounded like he'd had a couple of pinties...

Rehearsals and illness apart, Easter was pretty darn good.  After the fitness sessions, I felt like it was going to be a big period of change in my life, so went with that mindset over the weekend.  I met up with Ads, Mark and Drew on Friday night for a couple of beers, then again on Saturday evening with a few pals from the benicassim crowd and Abigail and Peter, who were down for the weekend.  Good time were had with a wee bit of dancing, though I think I'm losing my talent and am starting to dance like a dad - which leads me to ask, will dad dancing in 20 years be some codger throwing shapes and twisting their melons?  I also joined Ads, his brother and Drew for a match at the Emirates stadium - what a beautiful place!!  Pity I ended up being a jinx as Arsenal lost their unbeaten home record to the one shot West Ham had on goal.  Then yesterday there were around 10 of us that were at Alexandra Palace for a mini picnic.  It was nice, though the sun went away as soon as someone arrived to join me.  I blame Harry...  After it started to get a little nippy, we went for a pint at a local pub where tom and his father-in-law joined us.  After some illuminating chat, I headed back home to chill.  After what had been a hectic week, I was glad of a little peace.

Now I have to change my lifestyle around again.  Every day (apart from today - and that was on advice from Heather) I'll be in the gym for 90 minutes before I head to work.  I'm going on the GI / South Beach diet in order to lose weight quickly and safely.  I'm off the booze until opening night of Macbeth (just over a month) and also to stop my smoking escalating, which it has a bit this week.  Rehearsals tonight, tomorrow and Saturday, training on Friday (for work) and Charlotte Allen's party on Saturday - which might be interesting.

I feel the time is ripe for me to make these changes as I finally have a reason (apart from my own benefit) to exercise, watch what I eat and stay in and not go down the pub.  I really need more energy thru the entire time that I'm awake so that I can make the most of what I have.  And I need to start NOW...

First of all, I got a call from Emma, a director I'd worked with a few years ago and who is also a pal of Gareth McChlery's.  She's doing a one act play for a competition and asked if i could do a couple of the minor parts.  With MacB on, I said it would be unlikely, but agreed to meet her as she sounded pretty stressed.  After seeing the script and the little (but enjoyable) bits I'd have to do, we then compared diaries to see if I could fit in enough rehearsal time.  It worked out and so, with the approval of the MacBeth director, I'm now going to be in two play within a month.  Must get some letters typed and out this week as the theatres should be good for getting agents in!!

After meeting her, I went up to Joe's to watch the Bravehearts lose to the "flithy, cheating, stinking Italians" (as Joe called them).  We had a couple of pints afterwards and talked about how good benicassim was going to be - not building it up at all, nooooo.  He also let me into a big secret that I'd better not let slip online, though it's nothing to be ashamed of.  I finished my course of antibiotics the next morning and called my doctor as I'd not heard from the hospital.  I had to go back in this morning to see her before she went on holiday so she could decide if I was an urgent case.  (As it turns out, it's looking better - not that it's easy to assess from my point of view - and I have an appointment with a consultant on Thursday at the hospital - please let it be lanced that day so I've not got it over the Easter hols!!)  Watched Wedding Belles on Ch4 and laughed my arse off.  Since starting MacBeth I'm finding my inate Scottishness flooding back.  I'm reading Billy Connolly's biography, which again makes me want to speak in the broadest accent possible.  I rehearsed the witches scene that night too and it went very well and again we finished early.  A few of us had a drink and I think second witch mught have a soft spot for me, though I actually like the look of 3rd witch more...but as Friday night showed, I am no judge of my own effect on women.

It had started fairly tamely - i took gareth mcchlery to see a production of 'Medea' in southwark - I knew the lead and she'd also adapted the script from the greek tragedy.  She was great, the others less so and the adaption was very very good.  I hate hanging around after shows to chat about that kind of thing and the bar was packed, so I made my excuses and left.  gaz and I had a pint and watched a bit of the cricket and talked about his upcoming trip to africa and the ongoing dream that is Noo Yawk.  I was aware that a lassie I knew was having birthday booze in the pub across the road and that Harry and the girl that was my only previous liasion of the year would also be there.  I wasn't intending staying long, but having not drunk a great deal in the previous week, after three pints I was pretty tiddly.  I ended up going back to the birthday girls flat with around 8 others and eventually found myself with liasion girl.  She sat me down and launched into a speech about fancying me but knowing that a relationship wouldn't work and her friends' attitudes towards me and that she was all cool with it.  Being a little pissed, I just listened and said that it was cool from my perspective and I agreed with her that it wouldn't work.  Not long afterwards, I decided I was going to head back and get some kip before doing a few tasks I had planned for Saturday.  She asked if she could come back with me as otherwise she'd be on the sofa.  I kind of knew what was going to happen but thought I could be strong if she started trying it on with me.

I am a weak, WEAK man...

We kind of awoke just after midday and lay there dozing til 4.  During the dozing period, she mentioned something about spending the day together, which I chose not to respond to.  We'd agreed that we wouldn't be good together the night before (though the physical side is lots of fun) and then she said that.  After she left, I felt like I couldn't do a thing that day and just ordered in a feast from Dominos.  I felt empty and soulless inside and realised what i wanted - that hardest of things - reciprocated love.  I do want someone to spend the day with after an evening like that, but only the right person.  I don't want sex that makes me feel guilty, so I'm swearing off it until I find someone that pushes more than the physical buttons.  (It's not as though I've been throwing it about so the loss shouldn't be too hard to take...)

The malaise continued through into Sunday morning, when all i could muster was reading more about the Big Yin.  It's a great tale and pretty inspiriing to a fellow Scot with minor delusions of grandeur.  It fair knocks it out of you...  Later that evening I met some of the people I worked with on the Terror play in November.  They couldn't be more different to the guys I was with on Friday night.  It got me thinking about the kind of people I'd been hanging about with during the social whirlwind that has been the first quarter (gulp! April already?!?!) of this year.  The Friday night crowd were boorish malcontents, interested in nothing of importance, a bunch of addicts and hasbeens (to quote the fratellis) and I had very little to say to them and they didn't make much effort with me.  On the other hand, the theatre types last night were talking about arty issues, goals, aspirations and world events.  I ended up talking about the environment, civil rights and the future of the theatre, while being allowed the space to talk without three people interrupting me.  I'm not saying that it was some sort of utopian dinner party, nor that I felt entirely comfortable (I always feel a bit of a thicko with these intelligent, posh types), but neither really group really fits with me.  I feel that it's one of those times where I'm once again assessing the importance and effect that some people have on my life - which dictates how much time I'd make for them.  I kind of think that many of these folk that flit in and out aren't really friends per se, but acquaintances that come and go in one's life that one doesn't need to hang on to.  (Forgive the posh use of 'one' but I'm writing in a hurry and can't think how else to put it...)  i've got plenty of pals that give me as much as I give them and I have precious little spare time to socialise at the mo, so will stick to those I know and love.

Sarah's down for a couple of weeks - she's finallly made the  move to return to London in the summer - and there should be a few people about over easter weekend.  If the hospital remove the pus-bag on my back, I'll be able to relax and have a great time with those that I really want to see.  Oh and shitloads of rehearals and gym visits, natch...

Sobriety at the weekend was probably needed, but not welcome.  I bade goodbye to my last stash of doob and beer by inviting Luke round for some music, PlayStation and chat.  It was a quality night and even Le Francais was on decent form when he came in just before midnight.  He's now away until the weekend, so I have the flat to myself.  Not that I plan doing much, but at least it won't get any messier.

Saturday was beautifully calm.  I had a little lie in, but got some filing and tidying done around the house (which didn't last long once the red wine dropping flatmate came back) before meeting one of the 'witches' from MacB to go over her Scottish accent.  I didn't have a clue what to do, so we started off just chatting about stuff so she could try and hear the rhythm and the musicality of my accent.  We then went through her lines and I picked up of various sounds that she was not quite getting and after a couple of hours sitting in the pub doing that, it sounded much better.  She stays nearby, so it was really handy.

After that I decided not to head into town for the Scotland game as the temptation of beer and fags would be too much.  If watching Aberdeen is a trial, then watching Scotland is the same but at the high court.  Instead, I did some work on my lines and kept an eye on teletext.  After the result came in I felt much happier and spent the rest of the evening waiting for the highlights to come on the telly.

Sunday saw me up relatively early and I continued my organisational rampage through the flat.  It seems that sobriety has made me able to keep busy in more constructive ways - also, the telly was pretty crap after Andrew Marr's programme had finished.  Then it was my first proper rehearsal for MacBeth, which was enjoyable and frustrating in equal amounts.  We didn't cover very much and not everyone was there - a few were late, but some others just didn't turn up.  Bad form in my book, but Sam the director made the most of it by going over a scene with Richard (MacB) and me, which went pretty well.  We were done with a couple of hours to spare before the fight director came to work with Richard, so we went for a coffee and met Sam's AD.  When they headed back to the rehearsal room, I went home to dump my stuff before heading to John's gig around 7.

Once I got home, I started to feel a bit funny.  I assumed that it was just the tablets taking hold and headed down to Angel.  There were a few of last Saturday's crowd there so it was good to catch up with their versions of last weekend.  I drank Coke and they sympathised and didn't take the piss.  John's set was great and I really enjoyed it (though i didn't really care for the caterwauling bloke that followed him - clever lyrics, but no need for the screeching voice he put on...) but I felt the tube running under the pub and made me feel worse.  I shot off pretty sharpish once the music was done, but on the tube got mad paranoiac sensations and felt really weird - unlike any drug experience before.  I decided to try and distract myself and, as planned, caught up with stories from the NE from muzz, before trying to get some sleep.

Which didn't happen...

I don't think I've ever been so uncomfortable or not been able to pass out in a while.  With no herbal remedy to send me off to snoozeland, I lay there and sweated and tossed and turned.  I didn't feel any real pain, but I just couldn't sleep.  I'd pass out for what seemed like seconds and once it got to 730am, I decided that I wouldn't be making it into work.  I caught around 2 hours after that and once I awoke, I checked the antibiotics instructions.  "Stay away from caffeinated drinks" was one of the messages and the previous day I'd had a large black coffee and a litre and a half of full fat cola.  That'll be what was wrong then...

In the end, it worked out quite well as I managed to get a helluva lot done during the rest of the day and felt completely clear headed and in control for the first time in ages.  i can't (and won't) promise that this is how I'll be for the rest of time, but I recognise that I need to keep my 'fun' to weekends - and not go mental when I do dismiss sobriety.  I tried to get an early night and had trouble getting to sleep again, but thankfully managed to get up the next morning for my gym induction at 8am.

Back to work yesterday and I have a massive amount on my plate.  I managed to get through a good chunk of it yesterday, but am pretty hectic again today and don't really see any let up in sight.  I was shattered when I got home last night and was thankful that the only thing I had to do was a little bit of paper shuffling and attempt to get an early night once again.  I was going to go to the gym and the mind was willing but the body was weak - usually it's the other way around.  Dropping off was again a problem and I forgot to set my alarms, so missed going in this morning as I'd hoped.  I'm watching the footy with Joe tonight (still not drinking) and have my Scotland top under my jumper to bring the boys luck.

For the rest of the week, it's rehearsal, theatre, gym and buying the last things I need for home before the tax year's out, so I can try an claim back as much as possible - I know I'm due a big rebate, so am just rubbing it in.  I also need to set up an ISA and try and get a doctor's appointment to try and get the pus out of my body so I can resume normal service.  Easter weekend is coming up and I don't want to miss the various opportunities for fun just because of a growth on my back.

I went to the doctors yesterday as there was some problem with my back, down by my coccyx.  I thought it was somethign to do with my falling on it a couple of weeks ago, but no!  Instead, it seems I have an abscess 'on my rectum' to use the doctor's terminology.  She nearly sent me to hospital, but after consulting them, she put me on a course of antibiotics.  I've never had to take medicine (of this calibre) before and I've never had to go into hospital before.  I know it should be a routine lancing when it comes, but I'll admit I panicked a little and had visions of horrible things going wrong, me ending up in a wheelchair, unable to play football, directing rather than acting...then I got a grip and realised that it could be the very thing I needed to spur me into a sober life.  I can't drink or smoke as the effects of the antibios would be decreased and i don't want this lump of puss to get any bigger.

Now, hoping you all haven't been eating while reading this, things are moving forward in my campaign to get my life back on track.  I took last Thursday off and sorted out the bulk of my room - two black bags thrown out.  I'm now doing little things that are frustrating but important and I feel like I'm getting control back again.  This, even though I had my final BIG WEEKEND.

It started with 2 birthday celebrations on Friday.  Pints in town with a work colleague, followed by joints at Angie's.  I managed to be relatively sensible and left at 1am, though the head was a little fuzzy on Saturday morning.  Saturday afternoon (and evening and part of Sunday Morning) was a Paddy's day/flatwarming party in Walthamstow.  For 12 hours, it was boozing, smoking and other naughtiness and a load of fun, with quite a few people I didn't know that well.  Benicassim with this crowd will be legendary, but the pace better not be a fast as that night.  Otherwise, there could be another flight home missed...

Sunday I turned up for football and we weren't too far from getting a result against one of the top teams.  I could have played better if I hadn't been feeling like my entire body was wrapped in cotton wool - expect for when I hit the ground, with felt like granite.  Following that, the subesquent evening and the whole of monday I was feeling crap and in a stinking mood - not helped by the Frenchman opening a letter addressed to me and causing more bother with our internet company.  This lead to me realising that I probably couldn't live with him any longer.  I've been very patient with his (ahem) eccentricites, but no more.  I was happy in that flat and now I'm not - either he goes or I do.  And i have to decide in 4 weeks if I'm to have a chance of finding somewhere decent to move to.  It was that night that I first got concerned about my back and would go to the doctors.

The rest of the week has been (thankfully) a little quieter.  I was supposed to go to a gig with an acting mate last night, but wasn't feeling that up for it - he knows the band, so it wasn't as though I was leaving him like billy-no-mates.  I'm supposed to be out tomorrow, but I think I'll give that the elbow too as it involves going out to shoreditch and not drinking - I don't think I could handle that.

Apart from that MacBeth is starting to get going.  I'm meeting one of the cast for a scottish accent workshop tomorrow near home and then have first proper rehearsal on Sunday.  I have 10 words to say all day - I've already committed them to memory...  The show aside, i'm really getting into quiet time, with only a play and a gig to see all week.  And I've finally joined the gym!!!

Ready for a big push now...

I've started on the organisation side of things and am taking an outstanding day in lieu from work tomorrow.  I need to have a whole day where i blitz things and  get some things off my ever increasing to do list.  As it's payday as well, I can also sort out my budget.  I've been pretty good with cash, but the incessant social lifestyle I've been on has lead to a little more waste than i'd like.  Mind you I did pay out a grand for a computer and printer.

Our internet has been down and so I haven't had the opportunity to use my new toy yet.  My french flatmate has supposedly been calling them but to no avail, so I have to do it tomorrow as the account is in my name.  that and the rest of the flat stuff that as the longest serving resident I am the contact for.  I've recently thought about living on my own again.  I enjoyed it last time (despite the flat not being fit for human life) and then I embrace that sense of responsibility.  i don't get that as I assume that the others in the flat would help in some way.  Naive in the extreme...

My holiday to benicassim is now all booked and there is no going back - unless a sweet, paid acting role comes along.  I'm paying everything off on Friday and have booked my holiday time from work.  I have slightly more than I thought so am taking 4 days either side of the festival weekend and will enjoy myself to the extreme.  I'm partying with my Benicass-team this Saturday (and two separate birthday parties on Friday), but after that it's a total change of attitude.  I've booked up the rest of the time to devote myself to the only thing that can change my current outlook - Banquo.

The read thru for MacBeth was positive, though some of the accents need help - and I'm the only Scot in the cast.  Everyone seems fairly talented (though you can never tell that much from a reading) and all seem like good people.  I get my fitness programme next week and I really need to get into it.  I'm seeing the effects that my lifestyle has had on my body and I don't like it one bit.  Gym and swim will replace booze and smokes.  My body clock seems to have settled to getting up better in the mornings - this morning I was awake without alarms at 6.45, but went back to bed - and once I have tasks to do before I go to work, I'll be able to motivate myself to shift my arse.

After the read through I went to Andy's to catch up with him after his trip to India and see Will, who was across from Paris.  I managed not to drink too much and be home by 11.45, which is unheard of from my PoV.  Normally if I'm out near to home, I'll hang around until someone is falling asleep and then head back, but something in me made me behave.  Football was cancelled due to the pitch looking like it had been newly ploughed, but I met sue and Don afterwards for a couple of drinks while watching the end of the rugby.  Sue seems happier than I've seen her for ages and they make a fabulous couple.  Again, i went home for an early (for me) night and didn't drink too much.  I wanted to call and find out how the show went in Aberdeen, but I didn't think that (in my slightly depressed headstate at the time) I could really deal with the guilt, frustration and disappoinment that I would have felt hearing all the stories.

More annoyance came on Monday night when 3 people dropped out of the 5 a side team, causing us to cancel.  It jus tadded more fuel to the fire that burned in my head.  Nothing going right - is it karma from last year's annus mirablis?  I had nothing to take my mind off it and sat in a huff (with myself) and watched The Last Days of the Raj on Channel 4.  I went into my room between that ending and Film 2007 beginning and looked at the bombsite that lay before me.  I then decided to take Thursday off and get it all sorted out once and for all.  Once I'd made that decision, I felt much better and slept soundly that night.

Last night I went to the Rob Roy to watch the Dons game with Mark and some guys from football.  it was good to see Mark, but he doesn't watch football (and Aberdeen in particular) in the same way as I do.  Mark has a detachment that allows him to chat about other things before, during and after the match - whereas I can barely breathe and stop myself from swearing.  I rarely get as emotional as I do during a AFC game and some of my team mates that hadn't seen this side of me and were slightly taken aback.

We'll see how the next few days go and, if all goes to plan, I'll be full of the joys of spring next week.

Again, I didn't get my room sorted, house cleaning done, computer sorted, bills paid - I'm wallowing in some sort of malaise that I can't shake.  I have to get this all sorted this week as I'm starting MacBeth rehearsals from the 10th March - this Saturday, meaning I'm not getting to head home for My Grandma's birthday and missing taking in the Flying Pig show.  Arse.  I originally thought about just telling them that this was the case and getting on the plane, but thought it might be a little presumptuous, considering that I'd never worked with them before and it was the first rehearsal.  So I let the director know my plans but said I understood if he insisted on my being there.  He then threw it back to me, saying that most of the others (and all the principals) would be there.  In the end, I made the right (but not the fun) decision to stay for the reading.

Through most of last week I did fuck all.  Just sat staring at the telly and letting everything wash over me.  I'm still so busy at work that I just want to crash when i get home.  I want to do sod all and just chill, also without the frenchman wittering on at me about nothing.  Our Homechoice TV is playing up so I have that to add to my ever-expanding to-do list.

The weekend was like many before it - a week's work of drinking and socialising into two nights.  Friday i went to a football mate's engagement party in Chelsea.  It was very nice, but generally pretty posh and I didn't fit in as easily as i'd hoped.  (not that I'm posh in any way...)  I then was about to head to hammersmith as Simon F had invited me to a party, but then he decided not to go, but invited me to his place instead.  After buying a carry-out from the pub next door (brilliant local!) we sat down and chatted the night away talking about many things in the biz of show and some stuff we were going through in our lives.  We were on illict substances, so it was around 5.45am when i took my leave.

I went home, stayed up for a while, then crashed out around 10.  I was up again for football focus, but then crashed a second time as the football results were coming in.  i awoke with a start as I realised that i had the poker night at Ads in Islington, so managed to get myself together and get down there a little late - not helped by a taxi driver that didn't know where he was going.  The night was pleasant and chilled, with everyone getting into the game and having fun at some point.  Mark won, so Ads and I are getting ready to play him for money next time.  I ended up crashing over and getting a bus back the next morning.  Football was cancelled and I was feeling a bit shit so decided to have a cheeky lunchtime bifter.  Within an hour I was in bed sleeping again.  I got up long enough to go to Tom and Mic's to help start puttign up some shelving, which was aborted due to the bolts being too short.  I had a bite to eat with them and chatted away with harry and Angie, who were also there.  I got home and, after MotD2, did the same as i did at lunchtime and the same result happened.

I awoke on Monday brighter than I'd been in a while.  I'd abused my body so much that it had been forced to take the necessary sleep needed in the afternoons over the weekend and i felt more than ready to go to the radio interview that i was scheduled for that morning.  Just as I got out of the shower, the call came in to cancel.  After a day at work and losing 5s in the evening, I got stuck into the smoke again.  Unfortunately, this meant that when i got up the next morning, I wasn't feeling so breezy for the rescheduled interview.  I was fine on the outside, but the mind was wandering.  I lapsed into waffle slightly when talking to the host of the show and missed a question at one point (though it wasn't fully obvious he was speaking to me) and that scared me.  Thankfully it was over quickly after that, but I went back to work and felt paranoid that everyone could tell - my computer wouldn't work, so I was hanging around with nothing I could do, which made me even more nervous right the way through the day.  I went home and watched the football with Denis and one of his mates and was pleased that i could share a j, rather than have it all to myself.  last night, i had one jsut after I got in and managed to get my room in a certain organised untidiness, ready to make the most of the unintentional spare time this weekend.

I'm meeting my benicassim partners in crime tonight for a final plan on getting there and the set up of the week.  I'm not staying out late and want to remain pretty sober to carry on with my spring clean (as it's now evolved into).  Tomorrow night is home with Macb (as I have the read thru on Sat) and with mr muscle/mr sheen to get my envirnoment sorted out.  I still have so many things to get done that I'm going to stay in and get some decent rest too.

I feel weak and pathetic at my inability to do (or ability to ignore) the most simple and everyday tasks.  I feel frustrated that I need to have some sort of crutch to feel relaxed, whether smoking or drinking.  I'm just lucky that MacB is coming up - acting is the only thing that would straighten me out.  That and/or the right girl.  That way I'd have something to care about.  I don't really care about myself that much and have this depressing mentality when it comes to my future.

Still spring is here and things shall hopefully turn for the better...

Wednesday saw us win handsomely at 5 a side to be one point behind the leaders with a game in hand (we play them tonight) and we celebrated with a session down the pub while watching the Liverpool game.  I wasn't too mashed, but my aching legs and general malaise on Thursday was surely down to the excess booze in my system.  Thursday night I did nothing, which in retropect was stupid as I still haven't sorted out my computer and printer yet and my room is a tip.

Friday night was a leaving do for one of our lawyers.  I was karaoke MC and didn't drink too much while still on site and realised quite how pissed the rest of my colleagues were only once we'd met at the pub.  One was my playing partner at pool and kept threatening anyone that said anything to the contrary - including me as his doubles partner.  Another asked me to do a shot and it took him an age to understand that I'd said yes (though the confusion may have come when I gave him money to also get me a Guinness) and not much later I saw him slumped against the wall barely able to speak.  Girls were shreiking, boys were talking absolute nonsense, so I took my leave.  On returning home, I played Denis at backgammon while under the influence and still made it to bed by midnight.

Saturday was possibly the culmination of the hedonistic year I've had so far.  I didn't get up til 12 (another chance to sort some of my life out missed) and sat in my dressing gown watching Football Focus and the Scotland rugby match (ouch) before heading out (after showering and dressing, natch) to a friend's engagement celebration in South London around 6.30.  It was only a house party and so it was fairly low key, though booze was flowing and I had some very good chilli.  I had Harry's birthday party to go to afterwards and was already taking Laura McT along when i received a message from my footy mate John saying that he'd been abandoned by his mates after the game and was i up to anything.  Knowing Harry wouldn't mind, I invited him too and we met at Finsbury Park and headed up.  The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur, owing to me ingesting a naughty thing, but the feeling was one of fun and laughs.  There were no awkward moments (save for the guy who looked like he belonged in a madchester band and who blanked me when i went over to intriduce myself - prick) though I didn't kiss any girls.  I fought off temptation to just go for one that liked me (that i wasn't that keen on) and ended up with John and laura crashed out on my sofas.

Me and John had football on Sunday and miraculously we both made it.  We even won 4-1 with me scoring 2 and John having a hand in all 4.  I don't think my pre-match preparation of the previous night helped that much though.  After that it was a hobble to the nearest pub (that wasn't rammed) to watch the football.  Pints were downed (as I wasn't feeling the best) but still got home before 8pm.  I then realised that the naughty herbs I'd bought the night before were left at the party, leaving me feeling worse by the minute.  A lesson to be learned, perhaps a sign?...

With that in mind, I've filled my diary with tasks to get done over the next three weeks or so.  This mainly consists of learning my lines for MacB, getting my room/files/computer sorted out, introducing the fitness programme I need to follow for Banquo and getting plenty of early nights and only drinking at weekends.  I've got some expensive looking Fridays and Saturdays coming up (poker this weekend, Aberdeen the next) so need to keep an eye on the pennies too.  My tickets and accomodation to Benicassim are now booked too, so I need to be good before that and enjoy a proper blow-out while there.

After my trip the weekend was a bit of a blur.  I spent the bulk of Saturday drifting in and our of sleep while watching TV and DVDs with very little interest in moving at all.  I finished the little amount of herb that i had left in an effort to save as much energy as possible for Sunday's football.  I got a text saying it was cancelled and two inviting me out that night - one in town and one local.  Ithought about it (as much as I could in my clouded brain) and decided that the sensible thing to do would be to have a couple of drinks local and get back early.

As it was, I ended up getting drunk on one pint and making the beast with two backs and didn't get to sleep til 6am.  That helped my jet lag, naturally...

Sunday, I didn't rise til two (no innuendo jokes there, thank you...) and I don't remember doing very much at all, apart from worry that the girl I'd been with the night before might be looking for something more than drunken, jet-lagged fun.  I did get an early night as I wasn't too bad the next morning for work.

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful until the weekend, with only a few drinks on Tuesday, finding out that the girl from the previous weekend was not after anything substantial (innuendo denial again...) and booking my flight to see Flying Pig.  However, Friday ended up being altogether too large...

I'd went for a couple of drinks after work with colleagues as per every Friday, then went to meet Caroline, Mono, Ads and a few others who I've met through Drew and Bee and who have been staunch supporters of my performing career.  I decided to be sensible and drink red wine as I don't tend to drink it that quickly.  Sue was there and there was lots of good chat and nibbles (I had no dinner and only ended up having some nachos) though I could feel my legs getting drunk before the rest of me.  It was a warning I should have heeded.  MArk called just as we were being told to finish up and he joined a few of us for 'one more drink' which turned into 4 more cocktails.  I blame Mark...  Night bus home after going to Subway rather than a kebab.  Still tasted rank like...

I woke up Saturday with the intention of doing the following things:

Buy computer / watch the Dons at the Rob Roy / meet MacB director and producer / dinner with grant and Nicola / meet Dave (who had given me the wrong date)

Due to yet another worst-hangover-for-ten-years, I managed the following:

sleep til 12.30  /meet MacB director and producer / drink with grant and Nicola on an empty stomach / be sick in my mouth on the way to meet dave and have to go home and convalesce...

The meeting with Sam (dir) and his wife Heather (prod/lady mac) was really good - I obviously didn't say much as i was feeling less than perfect - as the ambition, scale, detail, plan for rehearsals, seriousness was all good.  top that end I have to do some research and heather (who used to train people for the MoD) is going to give me a programme to bulk up, hope fully making me look somewhere near Russell Crowe in Gladiator.  I'm very excited and ready to get fucking serious about this part - i'm even borrowing a braodsword to get the feel of what it's like to hold and live with it.

Sunday, i played footy (lost 2-0 to the top team in our div, but gave them a right good game - I would have had at least two if it wasn't for their excellent keeper) and little else.  Monday was back in work (where I seem to be out of the woods a little) and then bought a MacBook and a printer and carried it home (feeling the burn for the previous day's exertions) and last night I met Sarah, Luke and my old flatmate Kerri for drinks and dinner.  I've got 5aside tonight (and some drinks after), leaving drinks on friday, two parties on saturday and football on Sunday and then try to only drink one night a week while in London - Flying Pig doesn't count.

My body feels fucked now - OK I had the smoking last year, but the drink makes me feel worse and is way more expensive.  I'm going to be on this fitness programme anyway and have to concentrate on Banquo with rehearsals due to start soon.  if I'm good now, my holiday in July will feel even better.  Also, I have my computer to sort out now, so have other things to occupy my mind...or at least what's left of it.

6.30 - get woken by driver as we're at Heathrow.  i head to the Air India desk and hand over my booking reference.  I think I may be dreaming as I hear the words 'This ticket has been cancelled, sir.'  I pinch myself and realise that this is actually a real life nightmare.  just over three hours before my flight is due to leave and I might not be going...

7.15 - i locate the internet terminals and try to log in to my work email account to no success.  I try the number of the guy picking me up from the airport, but the number has been given wrongly to me.  I go back to the ticket desk and ask their advice and they suggest I call the travel agent.  i have a coffee and try to make sense of it all.

8am - I email my colleague Sophie with my predicament.  She won't be in until at least 8.30, which would still be cutting it fine to be able to get my flight.  i then text her to let her know how urgent the email is for when she gets in.

8.30 - Sophie calls, checks my emails and can see no updated ref number.  she gets a couple of numbers from our sstems and says she'll call the m to find out what's going on.  I head back to the ticket desk so i can get served as soon as I have the digits.  She gets back in touch to say that they thought it was the number that I had, but were going to double check.

9.15 - Sophie gives me a new ref number and the correct mobile number for the guy in Bangalore.  the ticket desk then tells me that the flights are different to the ones initially booked, but i take little notice of this.  he then tells me that the flight has been delayed for 3 hours.  Check in and try to find business lounge

10.30 - Find business lounge - stave off thoughts of piling into the complimentary whisky.  Read papers and try to stay awake.  look at ticket and realise that they've got me on different flight, so I don't get in at 11am as before, but 6.30pm.  Pissed off as this means I'll miss most of Mark's birthday celebrations

1.30pm - boarded flight to mumbai, screen doesn't work, good service, don't take advantage of free booze and try to kip

Thursday 3am local time - arrive at mumbai, escorted to lounge (alcohol free), snooze on and off before being woken for bangalore flight

7.30am - flight to bangalore (hour delayed) - no booze or food

8.30 - land in Bangalore, meet Reverend Kenneth Pinto (v. similar to jesse jackson in looks and attitude), given flowers, drive to hotel

10.30 - arrive at hotel, snooze for 45 mins, then shower, change, re-pack for leaving, get my stuuf together for work

12 noon - work, boredom, coffee, read documentation, meeting dignitaries (MPs, local council leaders, prominent local businessmen), give speech, receive Indian shawl and necklace thingy, press conference, pose for lots of photos and hand out over fifty business cards, feel a little like a celebrity, back to hotel

6.30pm - back to hotel, have pakora and coke, watch a bit of Friends (I think - this is when everything started to catch up with me)

7.30 - taken for dinner, hoping for my first authetic taste of india...get taken to an American steakhouse where the waiters are dressed as cowboys, feel as though I'm tripping slightly, but hold it together

9.30 - back to hotel to pick up bag, say goodbye to organising team who could not thank me enough, drive to airport

11 - dropped at airport by Rev Pinto, check in and wait for flight, start reading Acid House by Irvine Welsh

Friday 1.45am - flight to Mumbai (delayed by 45 mins), continue reading Acid House

2.45 - arrive in Mumbai, Indian geezer helps me source cigarettes/smoking area and i then tiredly over tip him, meaning that I paid £2 for fags, but the experience cost me another fiver, go to exec lounge, finish Acid House and try to kip

11am - wake up, shower, change, cup of tea, board flight (via Ahmedabad) for London

12.30pm - sitting on runway, ready to take off and we're told there is a technical problem that needs to be solved, start reading Birdsong by Sebastien Faulks

1.30 - technical problem fixed, but airport is closed for lunch...!!!??!!  Realise it's going to be touch and go as to making Mark's do at all, so text him

2.15 - flight takes off, still no booze, really getting into book

3.45 - land Ahmedabad, delayed by around half an hour

5pm - take off, food, booze, book - have a brief nap, but don't want to be too awake when I get back, hit the Glenfiddich and eventually finish Birdsong, which I would have cried at if I wasn't so knackered

9.45 - arrive Gatwick, get to my bag (the one before it had a lizard sitting on it looking at me with its beady eyes...), have a fag, get the tube home, arriving just before midnight.  This means I miss Mark's ceilidh, so I call and apologise.  Really rather fucked off and overtired.  Denis comes in and starts waffing so I take the only option possible to me - I smoke a j and drift off...