Confessions of a Struggling Actor

Well, it's been more and more MacBeth-ness for the past 9 days or so...

As most of you know I received a glowing notice from an influential newspaper.  The reviews for the show on the whole have been mixed and everyone has their own opinion as to how MacBeth should be done.  That said, I think everyone in the cast has got better as the show has went on, despite the intense heat in the theatre.  There's a possibility of more Shakey on the horizon, but at the moment I'm glad it's just a possibility.  I've really found something that I'm good at and that has taught me more about acting and where I fit in the grand scheme of things, but it takes ALL my energy.  Oh to be a 'proper' actor and have the days to recover, before treading the boards again at night.

I'm exhausted.  I've put so much into this that I'm really struggling to chill out at night (esp. with me being very good about my health) and therefore having a nightmare getting up in the morning.  I've been late and I know my boss will lay into me on his return.  I'll have to play the sympathy card as I've got my operation booked for the 12th june and wouldn't be able to afford to pay for it outside of the company's bupa scheme.  It's a little scary, but I know that there's little chance of me being involved in a play over summer, so will have that in my favour.  I'm really fed up in this job now and can't give it enough energy so I may be forced to seek alternative employment.  Not something I'd relish over the summer.

Agents - 3 replies, 3 rejections.  I don't know how to get them in...

I've had a couple of crushes on girls in this show, but all the best ones seem to have boys already.  I'm fed up being lonely but don't want to go for just anyone.  Coming home to denis is not what i want anymore.  The witches have decided that the best line to listen to in the play is me saying "Give us a light there, ho".  I assume it the way it comes out in my accent, but they're like little schoolgirls when I did it for them during the interval last night.  It seems that once again, my acting skills fair outweigh my own personality when it comes to attractiveness.

I've got a drama school reunion this weekend.  I'm a mixture of intrigued, nervous and horrified at what it may be like.  Will it be like when i turned up for my audition and there were people singing and dancing on table like something out of Fame?  Will it be sombre, low-key?  How many people will I know and care to speak to?  Oh, and a certain ex will be there, which will make the evening emotionally interesting at least...

I've had some funny mood swings this week.  I guess its the lot of the actor - you play with your own emotions and they come back to bite you.  I've been invincible and the leader of the Pack (some of the boys join me in a Rat Pack warm up and treat me like Frank) one day and then the next I'm covered by a dark cloud for no reason and can't seem to shake it.  Still I'm using it to feed my performance and all is well once curtain's up and even better when i'm in the bar afterwards.