Confessions of a Struggling Actor

So I thought I might come back down sout hand settle into the routine of last year where I drank less, didn't got out too much etc. and I've already blown it.  Weak, I am weak...

Wed night - Don vs Hibs, drank too much as was catching up with footy mates.

Thurs - 3 pints with Craig while discussing a short film we're going to do together, then chilled with Denis (who seems to be a slightly different more relaxed man) over a bottle of wine

Fri - Evan's leaving do.  I got utterly hammered as I had organised the evening, bought the booze (not paid for it all I'll add), had to give a speech and presents to evan, be master of ceremonies at office karaoke and that was before we went to the pub at 730.  I then met some old friends from work and only know that the lovely jane badgered me into go going somewhere else with a few others.  Supposedly we went on to ANOTHER place afterwards, I have just learned.  Where these places were, their names and how I got home from there are all lost from the memory banks.  I remember the last one was a downstairs bar, that I had one drink and realised to couldn't make conversation and left.  I remember texting jane, but thankfully (as I checked the next morning) nothing too embarassing.

Sat - worst hangover of the century so far.  could barely open my eyes and breathing was sore, indicating that I'd been smoking the previous night.  Sat in a world of hurt, before taking Gareth's stereo to his new (and brilliant) actor's garret just off New Oxford Street.  Certainly compact and bijou, but has the added bonus of a roof terrace that is bigger than the flat below.  Talked about New York for a couple of hours and drank some red wine, which made me feel a whole lot better.  Then on to the Black Cap in Camden for Geir's birthday.  I didn't realise that it was a gay bar, but was in such a weird headstate that it barely registered until halfway through the evening.  Talked to a girl from the States who I think likes to be the centre of attention or cretainly is used to being so.  I was in a chatty mood and tended to lead the conversation for a change and took in everyone.  She was quite foxy and showed off her curves and I thought about trying to get a snog, but thought better of it.  She did give me and Garrido some NY info thought which was damn sporting of her.  Geir was rather pissed, less so was his friend Beth (who fancies me) and all efforts to find somewhere to dance got nixed, so we all wended our way home.  if I'd danced, I was drunken confident of pulling so perhaps all was for the best.

Sun - didn't feel quite so bad, but still couldn't motivate myself to do anything.  Watched a couple of films on TV, including the Modern Shakespeare BBC programmes which are now on Homechoice.  I made a couple of calls but didn't get out of my lounging gear all day.  Was supposed to play football, but that means that the last five games I've been available for have been called off due to waterlogged pitches.  Am feeling fat and unhealthy and need my run around.  i need to join the swimming pool across the road, but all financial transactions are on hold until I see what the tax man wants from me.  ( I also want to buy a macbook as they look very cool and have in-build software that would allow me to edit my movies and voice tape.  result!

Mon - My boss is in hospital, so I'm babysitting the new person that's joined our department, meaning I'm having a hard enoug htime trying to keep up with my own stuff.  She seems pretty cool and has fitted in well so far, but it still adds extra pressure to me and I know I'm being scrutinised, even though marco's not here.  5 a side had no game and I'd been asked to do two readings at scripttank - a relatively regular gig.  Both readings went down well and I gave a bit of caht to the writers there, which was good, even if it meant another three pints and having to humour a truly pissed lad whose mates had left him while he was playing pool.  very cure actress there that i walked to Liverpool street and we'll be doing a reading together in february.  Cherchez la femme, Rodders...

I have to say that it was the first time I felt as happy and positive as I did last year.  Acting always provides that spark.  It's a drug and therefore my biggest addiction.

Tuesday - Started French classes at work.  hoped for a pretty assistant but instead get a bloke called Pascal.  Very basic stuff but he spoke in French all the time, so it was great from that standpoint as I can communicate, but aural French is not my strong point.  Went for a couple of pints after with Barry (who's also in the 5s team).  Spoke to Simon, who had split with his girlfriend, but seemed better now.  I was worried as her timing for leaving was shitty and he absolutely adored her.  He'll find someone better - i know it.  Home and couldn't be bothered to do anything so played some playstation and went to bed.

Wed - Last night I was supposed to be going to the pics with Jane and Craig to see Last King of Scotland, but they pulled out as Spanish classes went until 7 and the film wouldn't start until 9.  looked like I might get a chance to meet up with Charlotte - currently it won't be til MARCH! - but she was going to some debate and didn't call afterwards.  After doing a bit of moping around at home and watching the footy on BBC1, I managed to start to get my affairs in order.  Last year i set myself a strict timetable, due to the amount of theatre work i was doing.  However, since I have no plans for that til April, I'm doing the usual sitting back and waiting til it NEEDS to get done.  I know I have to get out of that funk.

Tonight's not going to help.  It's a colleague's birthday and i'm going for a drink wit hthem after work, then it's to the Rob Roy for another birthday and the football then Friday I have an engagement party.  Saturday I'm going to drink nothing and get everything sorted for the tax return (to be done online on monday am) and hopefully finally make my season debut for the RRR team against man City on Sunday.  For the next two weeks, unless i've already agreed to go out, I'm staying in, looking after the pennies and my health.  I know I'll want a joint by then.  Bugger.