Confessions of a Struggling Actor

Right, third time lucky in getting this out there...

ACTING - So the play finished not last saturday but the one before.  In the end, I can't say that I was entirely pleased with how it went though the last week picked up a fair bit, partly due to me getting around 25 pals in.  They were all thoroughly supportive and seemed to have the same opinions - I was the best thing in my play, the other plays were better, it was an opportunity lost from the play's POV.  I agree with them to an extent, but the first one is often the one thing I don't want to hear as it takes me back to some darker days in Kentish Town.  I really hoped that it would be a crowning end to a damn successful year, but sadly it wasn't.  That said the year isn't quite done as I have a workshop day this saturday with bronwyn carr, which I'm very excited about, and had a script reading last night, which the writer kindly thanked me by text saying that I played the lead exactly as she imagined it.  No better praise from a writer...

I've also made some decisions on what my next plan is.  I've got to finally get my showreel and voice tape together and instead of trying fruitlessly to get agents and casting directors along to the fringe I'm going to do a showcase instead.  That should take me up to the end of March.  I've been approached by Emma to take a role in one of the productions of an AA Milne 'festival' she's doing (which will include no Pooh) and it sounds ilke it could be at a better theatre.  Then there's New York...Gareth McC suggested this the other week, but it's early days and we need to sit down and figure out if it's even possible.  Mind you 6 months in NYC would be an adventure that could really set me going.  I've had mutterings of potential roles and auditions for friends' projects on film and TV in the next year, but I can't take anything for granted on that front.

HOME 4 XMAS - I'm looking forward to going home probably more than ever.  I've worked my balls off and need some chill time and, please don't take this the wrong way, I'm looking forward to not running around catching up with everyone.  The Boys meal is next weekend and as I'm planning to visit Edinburgh and Glasgow just after New Year, that should give me ample opportunity to spend time (drinking) with friends.  I've not been home to see the family that much, though I have been making more of an effort over the past couple of years.  It's hitting home more often how little time I have with them all and though like many people I can only take so much of it, I realise how far away I am.  My Granda took a turn last week and it shook me up something rotten.  I'm lucky enough to still have 3 grandparents alive, but it reminded me of when my Gran died.  I was in eastbourne about to open as the lead in a professional production for the first time when my then girlfriend came to tell me the news.  I couldn't make the cremation as that was when the midweek matinee was and my Mum told me to carry on as that's what gran would have wanted.  I know that's certainly true, but that situation may well crop up over the next few years.  So obviously I want to spend as much time with them now as possible.  I've never been particularly close to my family, but time moves on and you start to realise how important they are.  They're not the most outgoing or sensitive or chatty lot, but maybe that's something I can coax out of them.  We'll see.

That said, I am looking forward to seeing all my mates.  For some, it's been far too long and for others, it'll be picking up from where we left off on their last visit/the last wedding/the last phone call.  We've all changed immeasurably in my eyes - perhaps because I have the benefit of distance to see these changes - and I'm looking forward to some good chats and seeing where everyone is in their lives.  God knows, everyone that reads this shouldn't have to ask me any questions so I get to take my favourite position of listener.

REST OF LIFE - Work continues to be busy (cf my last entry) but I'm going to make the best of it.  So long as i can get a pile of work done before the year's end, they can have no problems with me and will leave me be.  I'm getting back into football which is great.  3 5 a side games and a kickabout when our 11s match was cancelled on sunday has got my blood flowing again.  Quitting fags (though there have been a couple of drunken abberations) has also helped, so I'm confident of conquering my nemisis - Exercise.  the social life has been full as well, with friends in the audience for the play - including Dougie 'Peter Pan' Kinnear, who is now thirty but never grows up - and then a stream of meals and pub outings to catch up with friends I've barely seen this year.  At least it gets my liver in shape for the coming month...

Geir has left the flat.  I'm really rather sad to see him go as he's been a pleasure to live with and become a good friend.  he's going all the way south of the river, so we'll have to organise meeting rather than a quick call.  It's a bit of a dodgy area, so I hope he'll be fine.  Our new flatamte (as ever obtained with almost hours to spare) is Neil - to all intents and purposes a member of the intelligensia as he works at the Tate Modern, has a PhD in Eglish Lit and did his thesis on the poetry of the English Civil War.  Another eccentric flatmate to add to the collection...

Finally my love life contiues to twist and turn.  I've decided Helen isn't the kind of girl I'm looking for, that Charlotte is (but we can't seem to get together at the mo - and I'm not sure if she's thinking romantically about me) and that I seem to have the magic touch as I snogged an old flame last night that I'm definitely going to see again.  There are others that I'm kind of interested in, but don't think that anything would happen from their side.  In any case, things are looking positive, but I know from past experience that it could all evaporate away at any time.

Right, I'm away to consult my diary and make sure I'm not triple booked like I was last night...