Confessions of a Struggling Actor

As ever, dear chums, I'm busier than a busy bee on honey deadline day.

Last Wednesday saw the first rehearsal for the new show I'm in, at Shakepseare's Globe, no less.  Good start by being bang on time and arriving at the same time as the set designer, who did the costumes for Richard 3!  (it's a small world...) The cast seem lovley (and a little luvvie), though it did feel a little strange as the director and the rest of the cast all trained together and are firm friends, making me rather the outsider.  This wasn't in any mailcious or knowing way, just the way that happens when peolpe have known each other for a while and have their own shorthand or way of dealing with each other.  The readthru went well and the script was really interesting and open, though it raised lots of questions for the rest of the cast.  I seemed to get it but wasn't quite confident to speak up, particularly as the others seemed to have lots of ideas.  I went back to work afterwards as I was supposed to be attending a presentation the following day, but they still hadn't completed all the facts and I was waiting to hear whether we'd be going ahead with it.  Stressed until 8.30 when I gave up and headed home for some well earned rest.

Thursday, I was into work stupidly early (for me anyway) to see if the presentation was going on.  After having kittens for around 90 minutes similar to a Scotland game) it all turned out fine.  I went to the event and all went well - it was at the BT tower and I got the chance to see amazing views of london - better than the Eye I think.  Went to rehearsal dressed in the corporate gear, to the amusement of my new colleagues and then back to work once that was done.  My boss was back, but there was no mention of my play or the way I was making up the hours - all seemed good, though my horoscopes (which I normally read for a laugh and have never been on the mark) said:

'You will have to choose between that which you love and that which brings in money'...

Ominous, but as nothing happened I let it fall from my mind...until I was asked for a meeting by my boss on Friday.  I'd already been to rehearsal in the morning (where more questions and few answers had again come up and the director was going to see the writer about it that evening) and had to give some training in the afternoon, but he asked me for ten minutes before that.  In essence he told me that the email I'd sent regarding my plans for the time we were rehearsing had created a stir and the flexibility I'd previously had was gone and if something like this came up again I'd have to resign.  His hands tied, HR insist, new owners rules, etc.  Naturally, I was a little shell shocked and asked if there were any other options that i could continue in the same role on roughly the same pay, but there were none that were truly viable.  I went for a beer with one of my higher up colleagues who poured scorn on all this, but I get the feeling I'm outta there sooner rather than later.  If it came to a striaght choice between work and acting, there's only one winner...

The thought had come to me since I accepted the part that this might be as far as I could push my luck, but I thought that there might be some way of being able to combine the two.  I've got myself in a decent financial position (compared to my earlier days in London) and wanted to continue to have the best of both worlds, but I hoped the acting world would warm to me quicker and i could then quit the day job as I'd be getting paid enough to live on, but that hasn't happened yet.  This could rumble on and become a little bloody.

I was able to escape the inevitable navel gazing and introspection as Dave Lamb, the Hardies and Stuart and Rachel were in town and we met after they (except Dave) went to see Wicked.  It was a brief catch-up, but a pleasureable one.  Dave and I yakked for an hour or so until the others joined us and then I had around an hour after that to try to speak to everyone.  Thankfully, we decided on brunch the next day so there wasn't so much stress to cram it all in that night.  Dave took me, Stu and Rach for a drink in the Grosvenor Bar, then McDonalds, cab and a long night bus journey home.

I woke up just in time to be not very late in meeting the guys for brunch on saturday and would have also met Brechin, but he didn't get into town in time and I had to get home to learn my lines as I had a 1-on-1 with the director the next day.  John seemed a little dismissive, suggesting that i pop home for my lines and meet them in the pub as they continued to see the West End musical extravagansas on offer.  I demurred, as I know how hard I have to work behind the scenes to get to a good level for rehearsal and to give my best on the day.  Home and script until I fell asleep.  I woke as I had a text message letting me know that a rewrite had been done and emailed to me.  Next morning I printed it off on my flatmate's PC and saw that my roels had been substanitally improved.  I then had a great rehearsal where one of my characters was this Peter Cook/Andy kaufman type that i was relishing playing.

Monday's rehearsal twisted again as the rest of the guys felt even more confused as before.  We were basing a lot on assumtions and it ended up in us talking about the script more than doing any acting.  This frustrates me but I knew that the others were not being arsey about it, only putting forward their view.  Another rewrite was required...

So today, I wroked in the morning, rehearsed in the afternoon - with a new rewrite that makes much more sense, though the Cook/Kaufman character has now been cut which is only a shame for me - and am finishing work now.  I've just been told that i'm needed on Monday and Tuesday afternoons and work have already said that they won't let me off.  I'll have to pull a sickie or find some way of getting away for some reason.  I think back to that other horoscope I read last week:

'Be careful not to burn yourself out...'