Confessions of a Struggling Actor

Three guesses what may have happened this weekend with a title like that?  In fact, one guess...

Last Monday was the first day in GWR's new offices.  Very nice so might see a brighter time in the near future.  With no computer access, I turned librarian, taking me back to primary school when I was library monitor.  (Is it any wonder I was easy to pick on?)  After work I return to the 5 a side team and we were promptly beaten 4-1.  I got our only goal with a scuffed shot that bounced off two men before trundling past the keeper. Spoke to Ami who gave me the lowdown on the V festival she attended that weekend.  v jealous of her seeing Radiohead in particular.

Tuesday we got the computers back on, though I was still beavering away in our resources room, categorising and organising books.  The acting vibe continued as I was sent/given scripts from Carl and Craig, organised a rehearsed reading and, at night, watched the Godfather and wanted to be Al Pacino ssooooooo bad...but I felt fulfilled.

At work on Wednesday, I was encouraged to apply for this new role that was being created at Work.  It would be good to get as I've been doing essentially the same thing for 5 years and need a change before I go loco.  I was supposed to be playing football and going to a gig after but both were cancelled.  Ami was out with her Mum that night, so went to bed feeling unfulfilled.

On Thurs a setback came in the form of an email from John and Ben from R&J, saying that we couldn't use our venue (the church that we did Richard 3 in) as coucil regulations wouldn't allow it but they were working on a new venue, but it wouldn't be for 3 weeks.  Gutted.  Ruined my entire day.  Ami seemed more upset, but there's nothing else that can be done, so just roll with the punches.  I was going to meet Keri for a coffee before she left, but I was in no mood to socialise and went home to mope.

Friday was better, if quiet.  I was going to meet Keri as she let me know she was having leaving drinks, but didn't get where she was as my mobile battery died (which is happening more and more thanks to my shit phone).  I ended up having a game of pool with James from work and Neil, who used to work there.  I spent the evening tidying a bit with Ami coming round the next day.

Throughout the week my head was spinning about seeing Ami and having a great weekend with her.  She came up to mine on Saturday and I cooked her dinner before we were supposed to head off to Charlie's for a party.  I then realised that I didn't have his number and had left the print out of his address etc. at work.  I couldn't get it off anyone, but Ami didn't seem to mind as we were watching Leeds/Reading highlights on TV and the Artic Monkeys were on.  I eventually got the address, but as Ami wanted us to stay at hers that night (and get a train home) we would have been there for half an hour tops and so changed our minds on the tube and ended up going back to hers where we sat watching the rest of the festival.  Things seemed chilled but not awkward and our music extravaganza the next day was set up well.

The get Loaded festival was only a wee affair.  It wasn't even the whole of the Common that was set aside, but it seemed pretty cool.  After some Pimms and food we went to see our first music.  It was an MC called Lethal Bizzle who was quality, but not Ami's thing as she's an indie chick, though we watched De LA Soul's set which was ace.  After that we saw the Chalets and the Pipettes - retro 50s stylings that sounded a bit samey before heading down to see the Young Knives who completely underwhelmed me.  There was a while til there was anything else on that we fancied and so grabbed a pie.  At this point, it was obvious to me that something was rotten in Denmark and though the Buzzcocks, graham Coxon and babyshambles did their best to entertain, I had a feeling of foreboding.

We got back to hers and after struggling to chat most of the day, i decided I wasn't going to stay again that night and head off.  That's when we sat down and told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to stay single (in a nutshell).  I left and immediately went to Joe's where there was a party on the cusp of finishing, but I didn't get the bus home til 5 and got totally wrecked, even though I had no tears and kinda knew it was on the cards.

Slept for ages, then got up and organised meeting my pal jen, who was across from the US and that was the only night I could meet up.  After a lovely dinner with her brother and his wife (and their bump - there are So many people with new babies or ones on the way just now...) we went out for a few drinks and ended up back at mine with mad Denis and again got out of my tiny mind.  This time the next day wasn't a bank holiday, but I didn't care and got fucked again, only getting around an hour and a half's zzzz.

Yesterday at work was horrible and I felt awful by lunchtime and ended up falling asleep around 9 in front of the TV.  Today was better - unsurprisingly - and I also had an interview for a new position within Work.  It was my first real job interview, so I don't know how it went, but I'd be chuffed if I got it and even more so if it boosted my pay!

I'm not going to go on about Ami and I.  It was a wonderful little time, we're still going to be friends yadayada...  At least I felt like someone's boyfriend for the first time in nearly 5 years.  Silver linings...