Confessions of a Struggling Actor

OK.  I have to get used to having this inane grin on my face and this incredible surge of happiness running through my veins.

I had a fantastic weekend, mainly spent with Ami.  Friday night, we went to see Charlie and James from R3 in and open air production of A Midsummer Night's Dream at Coram Fields near Russell Square.  They and the girls opposite them were particularly good in an enjoyable show.  It did start raining and we had to borrow an audience member's coat to keep the rain off.  Went for a couple of drinks with the boys and Pam (also in R3) and her husband Doug.  Had an interesting chat with Doug, who had some interesting tips and names to write to, as he was at the same position I was in a couple of years ago.  We stayed at Ami's very cool house which she shares with 3 others down in Norwood.  She was feeling a little ropey - coughing and sneezing - and I thought our first weekend was going to be cut short by illness, but she wanted me to stay with her and I wasn't afraid of the lurgy.

Saturday, she had to go to work, so I toddled home in a sort of daze.  I did a bit of tidying and made myself some food, but was already looking forward to seeing her again that night as we were going to the pictures to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2.  We met at Wood Green and she sounded like she should have been tucked up in bed, but still wanted to watch Johnny Depp (obviously) and spend as much time as she could with me.  Our film didn't start til 9.20 or so, so we had a quick drink and bought the popcorn before settling into very comfy seats to watch the movie.  The film was disappointing (though Depp is immensely watchable) and extremely long.  I even drifted off a couple of times, only to be woken by a surge in the film score or Ami kissing my cheek.  One time I woke with a start and set other people shreiking in the audience, even though it wasn't a scary bit.  Bloom and Knightley were wooden at best and the plot meanders, leading to my snoozing - which has never happened in a film before.  We went back to mine, with Ami feeling even more under the weather and crashed out immediately.

After sleeping for the guts of 12 hours, Ami awoke feeling much better and we had a lazy morning just hanging out, listening to music, talking about our lives and laughing lots.  We were due to meet Mark, Sue, the Swiss Family Lilley (Drew's flight had been affected by last week's terror threat, which meant he could stay the weekend) and other friends that we met through their nuptials.  The plan was to play rounders in Hyde Park, but as we were contemplating getting ready, a rumble of thunder and a torrent of rain appeared outside my window.  I texted to find out what the back-up plan was and we left a little later than planned to meet them in a pub.  Everyone was on good form - Drew with newly shorn hair, Andaleeb passing Annalise round as everyone wanted to see her cuteness up close, Sue and Mark explaining that Drew had kept them up til 4.30 and the empties at the end of the evening included 5 bottles of wine and 3 bottles of malt.  Ooof!  After a couple of hours, Ami and I left and went our separate ways, despite really wanting to be together, as I was expecting my sis round for dinner.

After this, I had a fairly chilled night, ending with watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with a couple of smokes and a bottle of white wine.  Before viewing the undeniable madness/genius of the film, the thoughts that kept entering my head were all wonderful, beautiful, positive ones about Ami.  I'm starting to fall - I can see the signs - and I know I should try to keep a clear mind and not follow that well worn path from almost blind hope to disappointment that I've been down plenty of times before.  But I can't censor myself - I did that with too many potential girlfriends over the past 5 years (yes, 5 years since I had any relationship longer than a couple of months) as I was scared of heartbreak again or that I needed to be the person they were looking for, but this time feels different.  She's down to earth, not trying to impress (any more than you naturally would at the start of a relationship) and tells things as they are, without prejudice.  Meanwhile I'm relaxed, feel that I'm completely myself and comfortable around her, and becoming more aware of what i want out of life and what i need to do to get it.  Suffice to say that the little irritating things are paling into insignificance in comparison to the joy radiating from the time I spend with her.

This week goes as follows: tonight - football (prob in the rain), home and watch Solaris on FilmFour, chat to Muzz, call Ami

Tomorrow: meet Ami, chilled evening together

Wednesday: Meet Keri - we were supposed to go to the tate modern (so she could educate me art wise) but it doesn't open late that night it seems, so maybe just a drink, call Ami when home

Thursday: Meet Ami and her friends (she's already been out with mine twice) and see a play in Kennington

Friday:  See Sarah's show in Barnet, call Ami as she leaves for the V festival in Chelmsford

Saturday:  Dons game at the Rob Roy, poss drunken call to Ami, telling her that I miss her already

Sunday:  Picnic at Ally Pally, arrange plan for following weekend with Ami

OK, you may now throw up at the saccharine nature of it all, but I don't care - I've been waiting for the return of this feeling for years and am going to enjoy it for as long as it stays around.