Confessions of a Struggling Actor

So the performances were done, our time in France was just about up but the drama continued...

Groggily, we awoke around noon and started putting all our packing together to get out of the gite so it could be cleaned.  We tidied up a bit, but with cleaners expected, we thought that we would be able to leave a bit of mess.  If the new tenants (from the JC cast) were coming straight in we would have done more, but thought that the cleaners would sort it out before they got there.

The day was spend whiling the hours (and hangover) away by practising petanque, sitting in the shade as the heat rose and waiting for the others to come back from a walk / swim.  I noticed two things:  the cleaners van turned up but didn't seem to do our place, which was surprising (and foreboding) and that there was a fair bit of tension between Owyn and Ami.  I could tell that she regretted her decision the previous night and think that David may have told her that he 'fessed up over her feelings towards me.  My leaden head was swimming at the decisions I had to make regarding my feelings towards her and what course of action I should take.

We then bid farewell (we thought) to the campsite to the tunes of Franz Ferdinand (our car had the best singalong music, with soul being the biz when driving in the late afternoon sun) and headed back to Puy L'Eveque for the petanque tourney.  As it was, not everyone was available, but we came up with teams and after a right laugh and some competitive games, Ollie and I triumphed over John (dir/design) and Howard (LX).  Howard had been the favourite and was giving tips left, right and centre, so when it came to the final everyone was cheering us on.  We then went back to Howard's parents place (our producers) for the last night shindig when, no sooner had I a beer in my hand, than Shaun got a call on his mobile instructing us to return to the campsite and clean our shack.

Thinking it an inconvenience and nothing more, we hurtled back (thank god I'd not been drinking) and there were our directing team, Ben and John, sweeping and putting things into bin bags.  The cleaners had deemed our place too untidy to clean and in hindsight, it was a silly assumption that they would do everything we left.  We heard that the producers were fizzing about this and we resolved to apologise immediately to them on our return to the house.  We went in and made a beeline for them downstairs.  Suddenly it was like being 12 and in a headmaster's study having skipped school or broken the law.  They were livid and said that our actions would have repercussions for the company, the festival, for their standing in the local community (if they wanted planning permission etc.), for the next week's play and made us feel like we'd just ruined their lives.  I tried to create a solution so that we could resolve it and avoid spoiling our final evening together any more, so said that I would draft a letter to the campsite, the town hall and the producers themselves from us all taking full responsibility for the actions and relieving any stigma or blame from the producers.  This was accepted, but did nto mollify them one bit.  As I had spoken most, they seemed to direct more of their anger and frustartion at me directly.  After a few others in the production team had managed to give less emotional views, the meeting was ended and they set off to talk to the other cast members who had no met the standards of cleanliness expected.  I was shaking, having felt like I bore the brunt of their rage and could barely eat.  The atmosphere remained tense all evening and in the end, leaving was a bit of a relief.

We were staying in a hotel directly opposite their house and there was a carnival on in the town and our mini-terrace was right about the circus amusements.  I had to drive, so was going to go to bed, when I decided I needed to do something about the Ami / Vic situation.  I made a couple of calls to the UK to check that I was making a fool out of myself and, after some great listening and advice, I tried to call Vic to tell her that I didn't see us together - mainly down to the long distance nature of the relationship.  It went straight to voicemail, so I left a message saying that I needed to chat the following day.  Then there was the decision on whether to talk to Ami that night, with Owyn still trying to get into her affections (and he sleeping in the same room) and talk was all I wanted to do.  I wanted to confess how I felt, straighten up a few facts and see if there was any chance of her affections still tending towards me.  The rest of the cast were all out, so I didn't say much when they first passed by my window, but Ben and a few others passed and I shouted Ben back and asked if he could get Ami back as I wanted to speak to her.  He toddled off, but everyone returned not long afterwards.  David climbed up and I ushered the others off so I could chat with him, he being closer to Ami than most of the rest of the company.  I asked him if I was making a daft choice and explained how I really felt about her.  After a bout of mock anger, he reassured me that it was a good idea and to try and talk to her the next day.  I thanked him, gave him the key so my roomies could get in as I needed some kip.  I slept relatively soundly, with dreams punctuated with only a little tension about sorting it all out.

In the morning, the drive to the airport wasn't bad at all.  We got there before the others, who set out and hour and a half before us, but had a few problems en route, such as going the wrong way and getting to the airport without filling the petrol tank and having to drive another 60km to get said fuel.  Once again, I was stymied in my attempts to talk to Ami and we went our separate way at Victoria.  After getting home to find my flatmate Denis had decided to solve the greenhouse effect (which he has talked to me about AT GREAT LENGTH over this week) I got a couple of hours kip, took a deep breath and called Victoria.  After catching up, and as the call was coming to and end, I explained my feelings vis-a-vis long distance.  She took it very well and said she understood completely.  After the wave of relief had left me, I then called Ami, ready to explain my feelings towards her.  After consoling each other about our levels of tiredness, I brought up the subject of the chat we never had and admitted how I felt about her, which was immediately reciprocated.  She started to apologise for going with Owyn, but I told her that it didn't matter and it made no difference to me.  After talking about meeting at the weekend and bidding each other good night, I went to bed with a weary but happy grin on my face at the prospect of what might happen between us.

As it happened, things moved a little quicker.  On Monday, I heard that No City Fun had a gig in Shoreditch the following night and asked Ami if she'd like to come and she immediately agreed.  I called Mark and Sue to see if they wanted to come as well, but not as back up, but to see the band and meet Ami.  After dinner with my sis, Ami arrived, followed by Luke, Paul, Mark and Sue.  Both of us had to dash down to the petrol station to get some cash out.  On our way back, our first kiss was interrupted by a homeless guy asking for spare change.  We had none on us and as he passed by, laughed at the bizarre situation.  Suddenly, we were harangued by the guy's mate, who accused us of laughing at his plight.  he seemed really rather angry and I explained that we were not laughing at him and tried to explain the situation.  After thinking about it for a miniute, he relented, said he understood and asked for some change.  I gave him the same response as I'd given his mate earlier and we wandered back, kissing and giggling at the thought of it all.  The gig was great, even if my attentions were focused on Ami primarily and the boys did well again.  We spent the rest of the night staring into each others eyes.

Work has been a bit of a bind as we approach the time to move offices.  I'm going to have a look and see what else might be about as I've been here 5 years and the job (and the flexibility) have changed in the wrong way to suit me.  Mind you, I could think of Ami and smile and that got me over some irritating conversations with my colleagues.  I'm taking her to see Midsummer Night's Dream tonight (a couple of actors from Richard3 are in it), with cinema tomorrow and then a picnic/rounders thing in Hyde Park on Sunday afternoon with Mark, Drew, Bee and a few others.  We've spoken every day and I haven't had this blissful feeling for years.  Happy doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling just now.

So, in keeping with the year I've had, it's happy endings instead of missed opportunities!  Hurrah!