Confessions of a Struggling Actor

Tuesday morning I made it up at 8.30 or so to swim across the Lot and back with James.  I felt not too bad, as the adrenaline still seemed to be coursing thru my veins, with the opening 12 hours away.

After lazing back at the gite, we went up to publicise the festival - the Hampstead Player were doing Julius Caesar the following (this) week - at the market at Puy L'Eveque, where I used my Royal Mile During Fringe technique, by standing on the Town Hall steps and doing the opening monologue.  This certainly drew attention and we even gave Peter Duncan a flyer (though he never showed, the bastard!) before returning for some lunch.  I ended up back in the river and eventually back to the rope swing, which I was much better at second time around, executing a couple of excellent bombs and one that I called the 'Braveheart', where I screamed 'Freedom' and entered the water saluting the people on the bank.

After swimming back (and thinking I was going to drown) and a water fight, it was to the tennis court, where me and James lost to Owyn and Jonathon (The Prince), but I managed a couple of great shots.  I've never really played properly - as my serve testified - but it was a lot of fun, esp. with the gamesmanship and verbal duels that far outweighed the game on the court.  Realising we didn't have much time, we dashed back and showered, for it was time to head off to Belvès for opening night.

After a rather fraught car journey which took longer than we thought, we arrived at the venue.  It was a covered market square with heaps of pillars in between, meaning that there would have to be a bit of improvisation with some blocking and the fight scene in particular.  After that we went to find a quick bite to eat before the show.  Shaun and I ordered a hot dog, thinking that a wee snack would sort us out.  When we got them, they were almost full baguette size with two sausages and lathered with cheese and onions.  With only around 30 mins til the show was due to start, we wolfed them down, making us feel a little sick, and headed back to the most beautiful house I've ever seen to get changed.  It belonged to an American that lived there over summers and was on 4 levels and impeccably designed with views from the windows that would have made great painters weep.

The audience was much larger than anticipated and held us up for around 15 mins while they all got seats and the play was introduced in both French and English.  The play went past like a blur, and though David (Mercutio) had a bit of trouble with the Queen Mab speech, he didn't miss a beat and managed to get out of it.  I nearly dried during the scene where the Capulets think Juliet's dead as I looked to each of them to see tears streaming down their faces and was so impressed I almost stopped speaking.  By the end, there wear audible sniffs from the crowd and then came the moment that really took me by surprise.  As we did our bows, people started standing.  Once we'd done the planned curtain call, we went off and some of us started to get changed, thinking that we were done.  After a minute or so of solid clapping and a couple of 'Bravo' calls, we went back on and by now almost everyone was on their feet, some beaming, some weeping.  It was an incredible moment.

After we got all the equipment back in the van, we had a bite to eat in a restaurant on the square.  This was routine throughout the trip and each restaurant all stayed open past normal hours for us everywhere we went and then headed back.  The previous night's exertions and the day/night we'd had meant that we could only muster a game of cards and then get some well earned rest.  I noticed that Owyn was working hard with Ami (Juliet) and mentioned it to David who gave a cryptic answer that there might be someone else in the room who might.  I didn't mention that I fancied Ami as I didn't think there was a chance and didn't want to make a fool of myself as I was certain it wasn't me.  I spent most of the rest of the night trying to work out who it might be out of Shaun and Jonathon.

Wednesday, it was our car/gite's turn to go flyering in the market.  We were still shattered from opening night and were pretty knackered.  The previous night we looked at the schedule and it seemed we were going to a little market quite close to where we were staying, so didn't rush about.  We went to the producers' place, who then told us it was in a totally different town and that we'd never get there on time.  We then decided to go to our next venue (Montcuq) and flyer there, with me on placard duty.  We wandered around, with me there practising my best French and then came to the spot where we were to be performing - it was amazing.  A tall tower overlooking a small bit of flat land on the hillside (our stage and seating) and then yet another stupendous view.  A trip to the hypermarche on the way back stocked up our supplies of beer and food and we purchased water pistols (after a previous water fight) and rubber rings for lazing on the river.

Once back I did the only proper sunbathing of the week and snoozed, but to no avail, I still looked whiter than anyone else in France.  It was a very lazy afternoon, with only a few hands of cards and a snooze.  We had the best meal of the tip that night at La Terrase in Grezels - a full 5 course extravaganza with copious amounts of wine and lots of laughs and stories.  Once again, it was back to ours for a much longer drinking/bonding session, some dancing (including the Gay Gordons) and a go at the box game - picking it up with your teeth.  I did better than I or anyone else expected, but Ami (Juliet) was eventually the fairly easy winner.  I ended up having good chat with Shaun once everyone had retired and got to bed around 6am.

Thursday morning was mainly in bed, with slightly aching limbs from the previous night's stretching.  I got up and did a little tidying round our place, followed by a swim to try to get the soreness out of my muscles, but didn't last long against the current.  We left early for Montcuq as the staging would have to be changed and we were going to use the natural entrances and exits as much as possible.

With nothing at all for our voices to bounce off and the wind blowing into our mics, it was set for a tough evening.  Thankfully, the wind died down (and stopped the lights from nearly falling over) and the sun came out.  We decided that I'd enter from a platform halfway up the hill, where I could remain unseen if I lay flat on my back and miraculously appear.  I went up there 15 mins before we were due to start and fell asleep for 5 mins.  I only was woken by someone accidentally beeping a car horn.  That got the adrenalin going right enough!  The show looked phenomenal as night drew in, though it was knackering to do as we had to give ten times the energy that we did on Tuesday.

At the end, we were approached by none other than Windsor Davies who was more softly spoken than the character in 'It Ain't Half Hot Mum'.  he really enjoyed it and once we packed up and had a meal of steak fries, we drew teams for a petanque tournament that we were going to play before we left - I thought it would be a nice way to get the whole cast and crew together as we hadn't had much chance to hang out with the producers and get to know them (and vice versa).  Again it was back to ours, but without as much enthusiasm as the previous night, it ended up being a comparatively quiet one.

Friday was spent catching up on sleep, not rising til gone 12 for the first time that week.  A game of tennis, a swim and the mother of all water fights (I was taken in by the 'I've hurt myself' trick to become absolutely saturated.  The petanque tournament got postponed til the next day as there was too much for some of the guys to do and people wanted to go to the market that was being hit by our publicity machine that day.  Though a touch of fatigue was setting in, we managed to keep ourselves going and we popped into the hypermarche for supplies for that evening's party (at our gite, naturellement) and a spot of food to eat on the way.

We eventually got to Montflanquin in decent time, but could not find the square where we were performing and so went round in circles!  Once we did get there, it was sumptuous, with the Black Prince's Tower overlooking our stage and proper dressing rooms and warm up area for before (not during) the show.  As we came back to the square, it became clear that we would be battling against the noise from the restaurants around us, the kids that were trying to divert the audience's attention (with wheelies on their bikes or football or merely jumping up and down) and the fact that the previous night's show had taken a fair bit out of us.  Add to that the fact that we were told that Neil Morrissey was sitting front and centre and the nerves were jangling.

As it was, the show went very well, we had a brilliant time at the meal afterwards, with Judy (Nurse) and her husband providing many laughs, though we did get Cliff so drunk he had to be helped to the bathroom at the end of the night and Owyn woke some residents by shouting obscenities as we returned to the car.  I was driving, so was relatively tired, as well as being sober.  After a few choice words, he calmed down and we roared back to the campsite and got the party started.  I shaved off my beard and got some very funny looks, as though I was some sort of mutant, and we had a great time.  About halfway through the night, Ami succumbed to Owyn's constant badgering and disappeared with him.  I then asked david what he meant by his cryptic message earlier in the week and he told me that she fancied me.  Gutted!  I didn't want to cause any stir that night as we were all pretty pissed by that time, so passed it off, though in my heart there was someone poking me saying 'You've missed a chance again...'.  I ended up playing cards with Jonathan til daylight and getting shitfaced on vodka and discussing acting theories with him and Ollie (Paris).  Went to bed, but just thought what an idiot I'd been.  Over the previous few days, I'd fancied Ami more and more and realised that me and Victoria would be a long distance thing unless I moved up to Aberdeen, which I couldn't do.  I decided to get some sleep and deal with it in the morning, but the poking thing wouldn't go away...