Confessions of a Struggling Actor

My weekend was about as exciting as the snooker final and yet had as much stress.

Last week had started well, with a cracking rehearsal on Tuesday where it was decided that one of my characters should have a Scottish accent.  This was after I had been dicking around before rehearsal doing Sean Connery impressions.  Thanksh verry musch.  When I tried to do it for the first time, all my lines disappeared from my head.  The directors were very understanding as to this sudden abberation and indeed, in the pub later, were astounded that this was my first Shakespearean roles.  (I'll stop going on about this being my first etc. as it must be getting boring now - you don't hear me say 'this is my first reading with this writer, so why should it be any different?)  I'm very settled with it now and our first run on Saturday went incredibly well.  There were bits that are almost ready to put onstage and the running time was less than 2 hours.  All very promising indeed. www.richardiii.co.uk

Wednesday, I met a girl that I knew from Work for drinks.  She's good company, very attractive and splitting up with her boyfriend.  However, once again, it seems that 'friend' is the furthest our relationship will go.  If I'm honest, I reckon it would have turned into a short term, but intense, affair as we don't see eye-to-eye on a few major talking points.  Still, nothing wrong with a decent flirt and 4 pints of Guinness.  My drinking's getting a bit much again.  I'm not getting shit faced, but I'm having a couple every night.  Sometimes it's to get me to sleep after rehearsals when my mind is racing - I have an idea about filming MacBeth in and around Aberdeen - and sometimes just because it's there and I'm not doing anything else.  Over the course of this week, the whisky's gone, I've drank at least a couple of pints nearly every night and it's not making me feel any good.  At least with the smoke, I wouldn't have fags so much, don't get hungover and feel the effects.  I'm too sober when drinking and just feel bad afterwards.  I might knock it on the head and return to my drug of choice.  After Shakespeare that is...

Friday night, it was a trip to the theatre with Ms Laura Main - I want a new series of Murder City, her character is engaged to and Aberdeen loon and I want that part!!  I was a little nervous for Simon, despite the reviews, but I needn't have been.  By the end of the play (I won't spoil it in case it tours/transfers) my heart was thumping, I had tears in my eyes and wished I had got the part.  I have to say the cast were uniformally excellent with good accents, so I wasn't booing from the back row.  Mark met us for a drink afterwards (lime and soda for him...) and was surprised how visibly shaken we were.  I can't tell you how great it was!  Simon met us afterwards, at first briefly what with liots of people clambering for his time, but then the four of us went on to the Phoenix Bar for late night drinks.  Top night and Simon and Laura were both on form.  Simon was incredibly excited (as he should be) and was telling us stories about the run and the amazing social life (and circle) he's been forced into.  Poor love, it's tough being part of the literati...

I did bring a mixture of emotions outside of the play itself.  For Simon, no jealousy, but admiration, fascination (he's had some amazing people come in and give him compliments and want to work with him - I'll let him drop those names - and all in a nice way) and anticipation of what his next move will be.  For me, I felt that it showed that I just needed a break and I could be meeting these people also, but at the same time, it took the gloss of what I've been doing so far this year.  It made it all look like small fry and that the distance I still had to go was a gaping chasm.  I wasn't in the greatest mood afterwards and let it get to me that I wasn't where I thought I would be when I started this journey.

Over the weekend, I got a grip of myself.  Yes, I've not hit the heights as I wanted to, but I'm still there fighting.  R3 is great and so long as I get the letters written and out by the end of this week, I'm sure I can show my talent and potential and you never know what may happen then.  It's not just blind optimism, it's self confidence and the confidence of those around me.  As The Beautiful South once sang, "I need a little time..."

I was going to have a quiet weekend, but a rather large spanner was shoved into the works.  We thought we had found a new flatmate to replace Murph straightaway.  Then on Sunday morning, Geir heard me wake up and asked me to come and read an email.  It was the new guy dropping out.  I couldn't have been more gutted.  Not only had this given us no time to find someone else, but we were both out every night this week - me at rehearsals and Geir at work.  I had told 5 people over the course of the week that the room had gone and didn't have their numbers.  We got someone round yesterday, but we're not top of his list and he wouldn't move til the 13th or so anyway.  An actor I know was supposed to come round, but he's pissed about a bit and two people have come round and wanted something more luxurious.  For the rent we were offering for did they think they'd get an ensuite or something?!  Hopefully the actor can come round, but he's looking for something a bit more short term.  A begging email is about to go out to everyone I know asking for help and I'm hoping to get a few more calls from our ad in Loot.  It's the last thing I needed at the mo as I also have to do some work on a voice over I'm doing on Saturday as well as the play.  The bank appear to have cut my overdraft without asking as well.

I must have guessed that this would happen - I knew things had been going too well.