Confessions of a Struggling Actor

Thank God I have taken this week off.  I'm in work just now to catch up on a couple of things (and to write this) but will be home in time for tea and Champions League.  And I don't need to be on location until 11 tomorrow morning.  Thank you Lord!

Read the rest of this entry ... (918 words left)

Barbados tomorrow!!  Getting a little excited now.  I know that I'll be busy working most of the time I'm there, but a chance to get out of London doesn't come around too often.   At lunchtime, I'll get some SPF 30 lotion to cover my peeley-walley skin.

Read the rest of this entry ... (364 words left)

The quietest social week for a while was still rather busy.

Read the rest of this entry ... (524 words left)

I feel that I've lost a little of the momentum and focus I had in my life over last week and the start of this one.  Maybe because I've been so busy, perhaps I just need a bit of a break to sort the rest of my life out.  My room's still a tip and I ended up doing dishes til 11.15 last night and my evenings this week are now all booked up.  At least it's pay day tomorrow, though most of it will disappear immediately.

Read the rest of this entry ... (827 words left)

I can't remember a sustained period when I was so busy.  Certainly not since Mountview.

Read the rest of this entry ... (1352 words left)

This weekend I realised that it was already March.  I had recognised the fact, but it only hit me how quick the start of this year went.  I know that as you get older, you get the feeling that life's rushing by, but surely not just into your 30s!!??  There are things I had meant to get done by now that I haven't, though there are things I HAVE done that can't be legislated for...

Read the rest of this entry ... (699 words left)

Well, it was a nice wee dream while it lasted.

I didn't get the Royal Court job, if you hadn't guessed.  To be fair, the cast looks pretty special - full of well known faces and names.  Hopefully they'll help Simon get some deserved recognition for a cracking piece of writing.  I'm really looking forward to seeing it anyway!

Simon had let me know on Tuesday night, when I was out with some old pals from Mountview, but told me to wait for confirmation.  I sat in all last night, checking my hotmail as Al had already been informed via email.  For some reason the site was down, so I couldn't see my inbox.  I turned to Sky Sports for the Scotland game, which just left me more depressed and then stayed up late watching Full Metal Jacket.  I thought about what I'd done in the audition and started over analysing what I'd done.  i wondered how far off the pace I was compared to those who got the roles, if it was my look, my demeanour, my CV, my chat?  Added to this, my flatmate's alarm kept ringing and I didn't know how to stop it.  Just too much for my brain...

Now comes the worst bit - telling people that I haven't got it.  It's hard to do as everyone is so excited for you and their disappointment is more than tangible when you break the news.  Then you get the 'tough luck', 'chin up' responses that in a strange way make you feel worse as you've heard them so many times before.  Mind you, this is less sore in a way.  My chin hasn't dropped - I'm still pleased that I even got the audition and any feedback can only help me in the future.  I have another short film audition on Monday, am shooting another on Thursday and have the paid reading on Saturday.  I'm busier than ever and hopefully it'll just be a matter of time before someone is impressed or I get another break as good as this one was.

I've got the 5 a side drinking session and awards tonight, followed by meeting Mr McChlery on Friday to discuss putting on a play later this year and setting up a company to do it under.  Saturday I'm performing in the afternoon and meeting friends and Sunday I'm back on the pitch for the Rob Roys.  No time for self pity or mumphing about!!  Life's there to be lived...