Confessions of a Struggling Actor

I've been waiting all week until today and now I have to wait again.  If there's any chance I'll know soon, as they're doing recalls next week and starting rehearsals on the 6th!

The past few days have whizzed by.  I've been able to get on with work while still thinking about today's audition, but it's been the foremost thing in my mind.  I had to drag myself off the ceiling on Tuesday and calm myself down.  Watching Champions' League didn't do much to chill me out, but a couple of glasses of red did the trick.  All sorts of ideas and situations were running through my head, going from the crazy to obvious.  I read the script through again that night, eventually turning in at the back of 1am.

Wednesday, I was a little tired - the adrenaline had abated for now - and another day at work.  As the hours, so my mind wandered to dreams of getting the job, Laura and Al getting it too, agents being interested, more work, working at the Royal Court again...  I had to keep stopping myself and concentrate on it being just an opportunity, albeit a very important one.  My favourite play for years has been 'Look Back in Anger'.  To be associated with the Royal Court, who first put on the piece is close to another dream fulfilled.  But again, back to reality.  That night I met with the guys I'll be working with on a short reading.  It is to be performed at the Word Festival in Stratford (East London) next Saturday.  We sat, had a couple of pints and chatted, but all the time I was thinking that I should be home looking over the script.  I made my excuses (they probably though I wanted to see the Chelsea match) and headed home.  I had a late dinner and then sat down with the script.

I awoke on Thursday with ten minutes to go before work.  On my sofa.  With the script in my hand.  I bundled into work nearly an hour late, but worked through my lunch hour to make up.  Feeling a bit groggy, I waded through tons of boring work and thankfully the day went quickly.  I nipped home for a quick sarnie before going round to Laura's to read through some scenes.  It was so helpful to do for us both and after a few hours I went home and straight to my bed.

For all my troubles getting up, I awoke almost exactly 30 seconds before my alarm went off this morning.  Adrenaline was already coursing through my veins.  Showered, dressed, did my hair, used that L'Oreal stuff to make me look younger  and had my breakfast.  I then realised that I had well over half an hour before I was due to leave, so sat down and read through the script.  This made me incredibly nervous so stopped.  I watched E4 Music before deciding to just get out of the house.  Got one the bus and one stop later...Laura gets on!  "It's an omen", she said.  I tried not to think too much about it by browsing through the Sun.  (I can never read big words in the morning.)  Laura got on the tube with me and then wished me luck as she got off at Oxford Circus.  I sat there and tried to think of the amazing positive experience I was about to go through.  I kept telling myself that I deserved this chance, that getting an audition alone was good, that I had nothing to lose and that I had loads of people wishing and hoping for me.

I arrived 40 minutes early.  Great - the tubes had looked a little bad so I had made sure I'd have plenty of time.  Too much!  Went for a quick coffee, but then felt awkward sitting there nursing and empty cup of espresso when a couple of folks were standing there, waiting for seats, so I decided to head to the theatre a full half hour early.  I went in the front, got told to go to the stage door.  I waited there for a while and then was told to go back to the front and go to the bar.  I shifted again and had a good ten mins to read the text and concentrate.  Then I am called back to the stage door over the PA.  At least a few people will have heard my name now...

I get met by Lisa, the casting director, who in turn then introduces me to Richard and Simon.  We have a quick chat and I'm told that I'm the first person they are seeing for any role.  Nerves rise like Mr Kipling's cakes, but after talking a bit more I settle down.  I listen intently to what Richard is saying and do my best to follow his instructions.  I don't know, or never do, how I did.  I felt that I read well enough.  Don't think they would have been too worried about the accent, though I held back from "daein it ower muckle wi the doric, like".  They seemed perfectly pleasant and after firm handshakes, I left.  I immediately bought a ten deck as I realised that I was shaking from more than just the freezing air.  As I smoked, I called Laura and gave her a bit of details about what it was like and then headed back to work.  Back from a great chance to show that this part was almost as made for me as Red Letter Day had been around ten years ago.  While I'm not going to think about whether I get it or not, the memories of getting in there will stay with me for quite some time!

No rest for the wicked though.  Double booked tonight with leaving drinks and a birthday party.  Sue should be coming along at some point and it'll be fab to catch up with her.  However, I can't get mullered.  At 10 on Saturday morning (ootcha! for me...) I am auditioning for a short film and shooting another one in the afternoon.  I then have a meeting at the Lion and Unicorn about Edinburgh (not going to enjoy that) and then Geir's latest performance (much more fun, esp. as I'll be watching with a very cute actress) to finish Saturday.

Sunday, all I plan to do is chill.  I'll watch the Carling Cup Final and meet Al, who's up for the part of a money lender in it.  I'll give him the deal as per the audition and read through a bit with him, but that's all that will cross my mind regarding the play - hopefully...