Confessions of a Struggling Actor

I don't think I have the post show blues yet...  I'm doing a decent job of keeping myself busy for now and not sitting around wondering what to do.

5 a side was worth coming into work on Monday for.  2 goals in a 3-2 win and our 2nd win out of two when I've played since the turn of the year (and since I got my swanky astroboots).  Headed round to meet my pal Angie - Harry's girlfriend - as she finished babysitting.  The palce she was babysitting in is hectic to say the least.  The mum is expecting her 4th in a couple of weeks - but still aiming to be at Harry's party, natch - and they had been sorting out new beds and stuff all day.  they looked shattered and I felt a bit weird, sitting there playing peek-a-boo with a toddler while still in my football kit.  The surreal nature was heightened by my first smoke for 5 weeks.  After a wee while we went back to chez H&A, met Harry after he got back, had a wee chat and I left around half ten.

Walking home (out of my football kit and in my civvies, I hasten to add) I realised how stoned I was.  I'd only had a couple of puffs, but it fairly knocked me sideways.  My head was clearer by the time I slumped down in front of Film 2006 and I felt better for it.  I'll never get anything done if the enjoyment/need starts eating away at me again.  I felt that pang of wanting another, but I haven't had any in for a while, which was for the best.  I know that I'd find it tough to turn down at a party, but I need to make sure that it doesn't become regular.

Funnily enough, this was echoed in The Best Program On TV last night - Shameless.  The central character took part in an experiment (to raise some cash) and took these pills while drinking.  They kept him sober - even after taking a few e's.  Seeing life clearly and not through some sort of drunken/stoned fug is scary at first, but you realise how easy the things you put off are and the simple decisions you have to make in life.  Easy things like hanging up washing, tidying, cleaning, sorting out letters and rubbish like that - you end up thinking they're massive tasks when they only take you 5 minutes.   Simple decisions like giving up the excesses in life and giving it a bit of carpe diem.  If I'm going to really kick on as far as my life and career are concerned, sobriety is the only option.  I'm going to organise myself back into a routine - only one night out per week, more exercise, cinema, reading and looking after myself.  I'm not into ironing yet though...

Wrote away to the agent yesterday - everything crossed!!  It would be SUCH a boost if something were to come from it.  The determination and focus will become even more intense and hopes will rise.  But not too far - we've been here before...